Category: Bible studies

Why do we let sin slide in our lives? The big dramatic sinful stretch of adultery and murder was passed in David’s life, but a continued distance from God in one area of his life settled into a rut of compromise – his family. David learned to live with the rut and quietly grew at peace with it.

What is compromise? How can I spot it in my life?

Perhaps an illustration will help: On October 31, 1983, Korean Airlines Flight 007 departed from Anchorage, Alaska, for a direct flight to Seoul, Korea. Unknown to the crew, however, the computer engaging the flight navigation system contained a 1 1/2 degree routing error. At the point of departure, the mistake was unnoticeable. One hundred miles out, the deviation was still so small as to be undetectable, but as the giant 747 continued across the Aleutian Islands and out over the Pacific, the plane increasingly strayed from its proper course. Eventually it was flying over Soviet air space. Russian radar picked up the error, and fighter jets scrambled to intercept Flight 007. A short time later the jet was shot out of the sky over mainland Russia and the lives of everyone onboard was lost, all because of a 1 1/2 degree routing error! I wonder if this isn’t a picture of the tragic course that many Christians find themselves on. Compromise is that little error or offense before God left alone. We depart from an intimate relationship with God and head straight for a destination that is offensive and far removed from Him. Yet we do it in small increments. That is why it takes serious examination to identify personal compromise.

Why do we let it go in our lives?

Perhaps is may help to spot how our model David let it creep in:

“Conscience”, said an Indian, “Is a three-cornered thing in my heart that stands still when I am good, but when I am bad, it turns around and the corners hurt a lot. If I keep in doing wrong, the corners wear off and it does not hurt anymore.”

1. It may be related to guilt over our own past mistakes (2 Samuel 11:27; 12:10). If a man has limburger cheese on his upper lip, he thinks the whole world smells.

2. It may relate to our desire to love without discernment. We may want to give in to some request that seems unwise to us to be liked by another (13:7; 13:27).

Even the people in our lives are not the gauge, only the Lord is. The people often get the issue wrong: The movie Catch Me If You Can is based on the true-life story of Frank Abagnale, a con artist who bilked the government out of more than $5 million by the time he was 21. Raised in the home of a father who cheated the government and a mother who cheated on her husband, Frank observes the ease with which a person can lie his way through life. At age 16, when his parents divorce, he runs away and for two years leads a life of amazing deception. Creating false documents and forging checks, he passes himself off as an airline pilot, a medical doctor, and a practicing attorney. All the while he is running, he longs for the security of his parents’ love. While posing as a doctor, Frank meets a young nurse, Brenda, and falls in love. When he meets her father, who is a prestigious lawyer, and her mother, he scores points with them by feigning to be a graduate of the same law school the father attended. Knowing they are Lutherans, he also claims to be Lutheran. Because Frank looks ten years older than he really is, Brenda’s father hires him as an associate in his law firm. The FBI crashes their elaborate engagement party at the parents’ mansion, but Frank sees them coming and races upstairs to pack his bags. Before the agents enter the home, Frank’s fiancée Brenda follows him into the bedroom. He wants her to escape with him. He opens his suitcases to pack for a quick getaway, and Brenda sees thousands of dollars in cash stuffed in each bag. Frank must level with her. He confesses, “Brenda, I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I’m not a doctor. I’ve never been to medical school. I’m not a lawyer or a Harvard graduate. I’m not even a Lutheran. I ran away from home a year and a half ago when I was 16!” With a straight face, Brenda says, “Frank? Frank? You’re not a Lutheran?”

What are the symptoms that will help me spot personal compromise?

1. A restless heart that is not at peace with others in my life (13:39).

After Hearing Billy Graham Uncle Sam is $1,265 richer because four people got under conviction after hearing Billy Graham. Some time ago he got five $100.00 bills with the request that they be forwarded to the I.R.S. In more recent days, three others sent $765 tagged as “restitution for shortages” in the past income tax reports. “I have been a Christian, but I’ve backslidden”, said a Florida resident, who enclosed $500. “Partly through lack of knowledge and also wrong advice from an accountant, I did not pay certain taxes in full”, the letter went on. “But, God, has not let me forget it. So I want to get the money I think I owe into the treasury.. .” I hesitate to send cash to the I.R.S. Department, lest it be a temptation to anyone into whose hands it might fall. None of the letters were signed. Alliance Weekly

2. A failure to maintain standards of righteousness and justice before the Lord (14:1).

It has been said that rivers and men become crooked by following the line of least resistance.

3. A company of poor friends:

Who I hang out with matters! A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an older lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.” “I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?” “Yes,” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ’Goodbye Mother’? It would make me feel so much better.” “Sure,” answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye Mother!” As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. “How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!” “Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.

• Joab was a self interested deceiver (14:2-3).
• The woman of Tekoa was an outright liar (14:4-8) and a flatterer (14:9).
• Both Joab and the woman spoke as though the Lord was involved in their deception (14:10-11).
• Both Joab and the woman believed the ends justified the means (14:12-13).
• The woman pretends to know what the Lord thinks concerning the matter, though it contradicts what God already said on the subject or premeditated murder (cp. Dt. 19; 14:14-16).

4. Erratic and compulsive choices (14:21-23).

We don’t realize the consequence of our choices! A man at the San Jose International Airport was worried about missing his plane. He had no wristwatch and could not locate a clock, so he hurried up to a total stranger and said, “Excuse me, could you give me the time, please?” The stranger smiled back and said, “Sure.” He set down the two large suitcases he was carrying and looked at the watch on his wrist. “It’s exactly 5:09. The temperature outside is 73 degrees, and it is supposed to rain tonight. In London, the sky is clear and the temperature is 38 degrees Celsius. The barometer reading is 29.14 and falling. And, let’s see, in Singapore the sun is shining brightly. Oh, by the way, the moon should be full tonight here in San Jose and— “Your watch tells you all that?” the man interrupted. “Oh, yes, and much more. You see, I invented this watch, and I can assure you there’s no other timepiece like it in the world.” “I want to buy that watch! I’ll pay you two thousand dollars for it right now.” “No, it’s not for sale,” said the stranger as he reached down to pick up his suitcases. “Wait! Four thousand. I’ll pay you four thousand dollars, cash,” offered the man reaching for his wallet. “No, I can’t sell it. You see, I plan to give it to my son for his twenty-first birthday. I invented it for him to enjoy.” “Okay, listen—I’ll give you ten thousand dollars. I’ve got the money right here.” The stranger paused. “Ten thousand? Well, okay. It’s yours for ten thousand even.” The man was absolutely elated. He paid the stranger, took the watch, snapped it on his wrist with glee and said, “Thanks!” and he turned to leave. “Wait,” said the stranger. With a big smile he handed the two heavy suitcases to the man and added, “Don’t forget the batteries.”

5. Desire to avoid just consequences to abusive behaviors in order to keep peace (14:24-33).

A missionary writes: “On a recent trip to Haiti, I heard a Haitian pastor illustrate to his congregation the need for total commitment to Christ. His parable: A certain man wanted to sell his house for $2,000. Another man wanted very badly to buy it, but because he was poor, he couldn’t afford the full price. After much bargaining, the owner agreed to sell the house for half the original price with just one stipulation: He would retain ownership of one small nail protruding from just over the door. After several years, the original owner wanted the house back, but the new owner was unwilling to sell. So the first owner went out, found the carcass of a dead dog, and hung it from the single nail he still owned. Soon the house became unlivable, and the family was forced to sell the house to the owner of the nail.” (Dale A. Hays, Leadership, Vol. X, No. 3 (Summer, 1989), p. 35.) When we leave the Devil with even one small peg in our life, he will return to hang his rotting garbage on it, making it unfit for Christ’s habitation. Commitment and compromise make strange bedfellows.

The symptoms of personal compromise may not seem profound, but the effects of compromise are devastating. What Can I DO?

1. Deal with conflicts whenever I can (Rom. 12:18 “Live at peace”).
2. Gauge my standards by God’s Word (Rom. 12:1-2 “Transformed by a renewed mind”)
3. Keep friends that draw me TO the Lord!
4. Seek the Lord (PRAY) about choices (Phil 4).
5. Make my chief aim to please HIM and not ME!

Winter was coming on and a hunter went out into the forest to shoot a bear out of which he planned to make a warm coat. By and by he saw a bear coming toward him and raised his gun and took aim. “Wait,” said the bear, “why do you want to shoot me?” “Because I am cold,” said the hunter. “But I am hungry,” the bear replied, “so maybe we can reach an agreement, or a compromise.” In the end, the hunter was well enveloped with the bear’s fur and the bear had eaten his dinner. We always lose out when we try to compromise with the devil and sin.

Children need more than a home and a comfortable bed! They need the guidance and shaping of parents and a stable and consistent moral system. Left to themselves and their peers, trouble will emerge that is destructive!

My brother Rodger is a Christian psychologist. During his counseling of addicted youth, he has been writing on change and how to affect behavioral change in children, along with a host of other things. We discuss his work each week when we get together, and I have found it incredibly helpful. Probably the key to a method of parenting that he is suggesting is what he terms “shaping”. It is the conscious process of shaping the mind and heart of a child. I have been fascinated by his insights, but especially how the insights are SHAPED by the Bible, as he is a student of that as well. Perhaps it is this notion that got me so excited when I studied this passage this week. Today’s passage focuses on the inside of David’s home, and how the children were shaped, or not shaped by their dad that loved God. This one is for those who are parenting…

Symptoms of the Permissive Parent Home:

• It was a complicated home: Let’s get some obvious things out in the open. David’s children were the result of several wives, so there are complicating factors. The closest thing we have to that around here may be a blended family. But just the same, you’ll recognize that what led to the breakdown in David’s family is also a factor in many of our homes today.

• Dad got very busy with his own accomplishments (13:1a).

• Failure to proactively set appropriate boundaries (13:1b; 13b).

In a permissive home, children will pretend to be sick so they don’t have to go to school. They will put on a big show and throw a temper tantrum so they don’t have to clean up their toys. They’ll say, “I’m thirsty so they don’t have to go to bed. Why? They know it works.

Edward VIII, Duke of Windsor, once observed this about American families: “The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children”.

• Opportunities to manipulate parents (note illness, 13:2a, 13:6a).

• Unmonitored influence of poor friends (13:3,5).

• Poor teaching on definitions and restraint (13:4, 15).

• Naïve complicity of parents (13:7, 18).

• Offering too much unmonitored authority for their behavior (13:9, 17).

• Failure to recognize normal limits (13:12,14).

Results of Permissive Parenting:

• Poor use of power (13:14)

Permissive parents want to create a loving place, yet the opposite often happens. Why? Because the reality is that it is natural for people to want power, whether young or old. Bad use of power creates fear. Children who don’t respect their parents often fear one another, because they know their siblings will use their power. The stronger one usually wins. In some cases the violence and abuse is extreme.

• Shame, guilt and depression on innocent parties (13:19).

• Alienation of siblings from each other (13:20). Alienation. Without boundaries in any relationship, you will have hurt, chaos, and finally separation. We all need safety and security in our relationships or we run from them. Strange, that the thing that permissive parents fear most often comes to past — their children appreciate neither their parents nor their home.

• Hatred breeding in the family 13:20). Absalom, the full brother of Tamar told her to calm down — he would look after. He did. He arranged for Amnon to be killed. With that he took off out of his father’s reach for three years.

• Silence. You don’t talk about things that are really important. Even though you suspect or even know that your child has crossed the line, you don’t have the courage to confront them.

Remember, Discipline is love as well! The Scripture has much to say:

Proverbs 13:24 says, “If you love your children, you will correct them; if you don’t love them, you won’t correct them.” Heb 12:6 “The Lord disciplines everyone he loves.” He expects loving parents to do the same, to give adequate attention to your children. Prov 29:17 Discipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of mind.”

Permissive parents fail to lead. Their kids are the boss. So how do you change that? Here are a few guidelines:

• The Love Factor: “My home is a place where love is readily expressed.” Younger folks, you can also help your parents by your attitudes and commitments. Don’t expect your parents to do it all or they will become worn out. They need your help.

• “My home is a place of emotional and physical safety.” Yelling is not leading. It creates an unsafe environment. In our society there’s no clear law against screaming oscenities at your kids, but you they might be taken away for a light tap on the butt. Go figure. Screaming should be reserved for situations where your child is unsafe, like running out onto the road. Yelling to correct behavior is a sign you’re frustrated with your inability to get your way.

• A third commitment for parents who lead is this, “My home is a place where discipline is constructive.” Never be afraid to discipline, but always be afraid to discipline badly.

How do I measure what is bad discipline?

It’s self-centered. Eph 6:4 says, “Fathers, don’t make your children bitter about life. Instead, bring them up in Christian discipline and instruction.”

So what is Christian discipline like? It’s centered on the needs of the other like it says in Heb 12:10 “God disciplines us for our good.” It’s not because He needs it but because we need it. Permissive parents are self-centered. They won’t push themselves to address real needs. If you love, you discipline. It’s not about you! But bossy parents are also self-centered. We tend just to want things our way which is not necessarily the best way. Both extremes are subject to bad discipline. You want parents who lead their families lovingly.

Self-centered discipline looks like….

• The biggest sign of a permissive parent is their inconsistent discipline. When it gets bad enough, they might do something, but the next day they let it go and ignore it. Children learn that with enough whining and complaining and tantrums they can get their way. The energy to do anything comes from feelings and because feelings are inconsisitent, so is the discipline.

• Often, it’s impulsive. “You’re late, you’re grounded for a week.” It’s often done out of irritation. You’re just ticked off at your kid for disobeying so you act. As you move to bossy parents, there’s often a desire to injure. You think in terms of punishing. You might want to hurt them for crossing your line. Your punishment feels more like getting even.
• You use intimidation to hold the line, “If you don’t listen, you just wait and see.” You’ll hear, “because I said so” as a reason, usually with a raised voice. Typically controlling parents will impose consequences. There’s zero negotiation, just telling, not talking. Often a spanking or a whack is the answer for everything. Immature motivations often drive it. The parent is worried about how it looks for the family. Sometimes comparisons are used, “your sister would never do this!”
• Infinite rules are laid down — a rule for every situation because there’s very little relationship and respect.

• Finally, bad discipline for both styles results in isolation as family members disconnect from each other or form mini-alliances.

Christian discipline is:

• Constructive: Child’s needs are central. It’s more consistent because the energy comes from principles, not feelings.
• Calm thinking goes into the process as you are thinking problem solving, not punishment. Your basic posture is one of concern, because you’re asking, “What does this child need? What, really is best for her?”
• It’s also corrective. You’re emphasis is on “How can we fix this attitude or behavior.” You may need to apply some pain, but only reluctantly. That’s where you get this statement, “It’s going to hurt me more than it will you.”
• Rather than intimidation, you hope to bring about meaningful consequences. They don’t need a spanking for not cleaning up their toys — take some toys away for a time. Parents who “save” their children from the natural consequences of their behaviour are crippling them.

• A caring relationship is the foundation for your life together. Rules are the fenceline, not the foundation. Finally, good discipline results in better connection. You can hug and hold your child as you work through the issue.

Finally a word to those who have been hurting over the choices of your children. Not everything is YOUR FAULT. The choices of David’s children may have been, in part, because of his poor parenting. Yet, even in the best homes children grow with a mind and will of their own. Only a fool would put it all back on their home. Christians are not immune to pain and suffering:

Eugene Peterson: “I don’t take any particular pleasure in writing this. I would feel better if I could promise that being a Christian gave us a distinct advantage over the competition. Some of the most prominent and well-paid religious leaders in North America are following that line these days – giving people tips on how to be successful in marriage and business, assuring congregations that if they’ll sign up and give a little more money they’ll experience prosperity. They design books and lectures and sermons to sell lottery tickets on a jackpot of the supernatural.” [Leaping Over a Wall, pp. 194-195]

We have looked carefully at the pain of disobedience. Now we need to carefully move on.  Sometimes, it seems we get held hostage by the pain of the past!  “We often allow the pain of our past to continue to rule us in our present, and to predetermine our future. That’s not a good place to be. Some people are struggling to breathe in today because they are still choking on yesterday’s toxins. It is like they are trying to drive in the present while looking through a rearview mirror of the past.”

Heartache from sin should have a season, and when the season ends we must get up and wash ourselves off and return to life. We must push past our painful recognition of the sinful behavior into the productive life that God wants us to have! Now let’s share the joy of restoration! Get out from behind the wood shed and wipe your tears, the tears are over! There is a time for joyful restoration, and God gives us the progression from inner peace to outer joy!

Personal Response – Inner change is where it all begins (12:20-24a)

Inner peace brought change, but what brought inner peace? It wasn’t the circumstances. The baby died. It wasn’t that outcomes of the sin were abated. Uriah was still dead, and the court that heard the voice of Nathan knew it. Bathsheba lay in her bed red eyed and sobbing. What brought inner peace?

A. Confession: (12:13). The story reflects that David agreed with God about his sin, and agreed that God alone could bridge the gap to him. David confessed, and that was all that he could do. He could not go back and make the terrible decisions that cost Uriah his wife and his life again. He could only admit with a shame filled heart, “That’s right, I am the man! I am guilty of all of this. This son died because of ME, not because of any fault of HIS!”

Remember the Word on Confession: “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.” (Ps. 51: 3-4a).  Solomon said, “If you hide your sins, you will not succeed. If you confess and reject them, you will receive mercy.” (Prov. 28:13). Finally, shams are over, and realities have begun.

B. Connection: (12:16). David sought God day and night for the baby, so the writer clearly has said. Though the baby died, David found himself on his knees seeking God. God may not have given him what he wanted, but God found David where He wanted to find him – back on his knees, seeking to serve and please God. That’s where he belonged that night, more than a year ago when he committed adultery. That’s where he belonged when the idea of killing Uriah came into his mind. Now David was back. He finally became tall when he fell to his knees and sought God. He finally became strong when he admitted he had no strength at all!

C. Contrition: (12:17). David couldn’t eat. He couldn’t wash. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t talk. He was, in a word, BROKEN! “The sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit. God, you will not reject a heart that is broken and contrite over sin.” (Psalm 51:17). David truly was repentant. The Hebrew term “contrite” (dawkaw) does not mean “feeling bad” about sin because others have found out and we look stupid. It literally means feeling crushed under the weight of guilt and shame before God for what we have done. It also holds with it the idea of certainty of change as the crushing changes what we will be.

D. Cleansing: (12:18-19). The son died and David knew the son died because of David’s sin. That is the beginning of the story. It is a story of new life. It begins with the death of an innocent son, because that is where we all began our new life. He died… FOR ME. For MY SIN!

Remember the Word on Cleansing: “Take away my sin, and I will be clean. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.” (Ps. 51:7). The Hebrew word for “wash” (kawbas) is not the word used for simply washing your face, or rinsing a dish. It refers to the washing of clothes by stomping (by fullers), beating and pounding them against a rock or a scrub board. David is praying for a thorough cleansing from sin and from the dullness that it brings. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me, Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation.” [Ps. 51:10-12].

Max Lucado wrote: Susanna Petroysan heard her daughter’s pleas, but there was nothing she could do. She and four-year-old Gayaney were trapped beneath tons of collapsed concrete and steel. Beside them in the darkness lay the body of Susanna’s sister-in-law, Karine, one of the fifty-five thousand victims of the worst earthquake in the history of Armenia. Calamity never knocks before it enters, and this time, it had torn down the door. Susanna had gone to Karine’s house to try on a dress. It was December 7, 1988, at 11:30 A.M. The quake hit at 11:41. She had just removed the dress and was clad in stockings and a slip when the fifth-floor apartment began to shake. Susanna grabbed her daughter but had taken only a few steps before the floor opened up and they tumbled in. Susanna, Gayaney, and Karine fell into the basement with the nine-story apartment house crumbling around them. “Mommy, I need a drink. Please give me something.” There was nothing for Susanna to give. She was trapped flat on her back. A concrete panel eighteen inches above her head and a crumpled water pipe above her shoulders kept her from standing. Feeling around in the darkness, she found a twenty-four-ounce jar of blackberry jam that had fallen into the basement. She gave the entire jar to her daughter to eat. It was gone by the second day. “Mommy, I’m so thirsty.” Susanna knew she would die, but she wanted her daughter to live. She found a dress, perhaps the one she had come to try on, and made a bed for Gayaney. Though it was bitter cold, she took off her stockings and wrapped them around the child to keep her warm. The two were trapped for eight days. Because of the darkness, Susanna lost track of time. Because of the cold, she lost the feeling in her fingers and toes. Because of her inability to move, she lost hope. “I was just waiting for death.” She began to hallucinate. Her thoughts wandered. A merciful sleep occasionally freed her from the horror of her entombment, but the sleep would be brief. Something always awakened her: the cold, the hunger, or most often the voice of her daughter. “Mommy, I’m thirsty.” At some point in that eternal night, Susanna had an idea. She remembered a television program about an explorer in the Arctic who was dying of thirst. His comrade slashed open his hand and gave his friend his blood. Her groping fingers, numb from the cold, found a piece of shattered glass. She sliced open her left index finger and gave it to her daughter to suck. The drops of blood weren’t enough. “Please Mommy, some more. Cut another finger.” Susanna has no idea how many times she cut herself. She only knows that if she hadn’t, Gayaney would have died. Her blood was her daughter’s only hope. Beneath the rubble of a fallen world, Jesus pierced His hands. In the wreckage of a collapsed humanity, He ripped open His side. His children were trapped, so He gave His blood. It was all He had, His friends were gone. His strength was waning. His possessions had been gambled away at His feet. Even His Father had turned His head. His blood was all He had. But His blood was all it took.

Public Restoration: Inner peace brought outer transformation (12:20-25)

A. Change (12:20a). It started with a bath. Clean on the inside, he wanted to show his cleanliness on the outside. He got up and got clean because He had done what he could to ask the Lord to keep his child alive. When the Lord said no, he knew it was time to set thing right with himself and with his household.

B. Closeness (12:20b). He got down and worshipped (20b). David needed to kneel before the Lord that created him. This is the opposite of pride. This was an opportunity for David to become strong once more. The crushing blows of death can only be lifted by the author of life. The wearing of time can only be reversed by the God of eternity.

C. Confusion (12:21-23). He went in and ate (21). Everyone around him was puzzled. They thought mourning should BEGIN with the child’s death. David saw it differently. David knew what was coming, though he hoped for a different outcome. He readied himself for the job ahead.

People are often confused about what happens when they sin: A little boy who broke the glass of a streetlight. He felt so guilty about it he confessed his crime to his dad. Finally, he asked his father, “Daddy, what should I do?” The father replied, “Do? We’re going to have to tell the authorities, and you will have to work to pay for the damage you did.” This is not exactly how the boy wanted to handle the situation. “But Dad,” he said, “I thought all I had to do was ask God to forgive me!”

On the other hand, people often don’t understand how much the sin of another affects them! A little boy was seen digging in his yard by a neighbor. The neighbor approached and inquired what the young man was doing. “I’m burying my goldfish and having a funeral for it”. ‘O, I’m sorry,’ said the neighbor who continued: “That is an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?’ The boy patted down the last heap of earth over the now closed whole and replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat”.

Don’t be surprised that other people, particularly those that you have hurt, or wronged, find it difficult to believe that God is ok with you now. They can’t yet. They have their own justice issues to work out. You hurt THEM, and they may be confused about the outer changes in your life. Maybe you used to get bombed with them on Saturday night and carouse. They see a change, but they don’t understand it. Confusion comes with the package, and that is why God includes it in the model here.

D. Care (12:24). He knelt down to his wife’s bed, and comforted her (24a). How very painful! She lost her husband, she lost the baby, and she lay there empty inside. Yet it would not remain that way!

E. Confidence (12:24b-25). God gave them the celebration of a new son, this time conceived in different circumstances. God communicated His pleasure over the son, by the same mouth that stood in condemnation of David. Jedidiah “Much loved of God” was God’s name for him. Perhaps from birth God marked his life with favor.

If you jump ahead in his life David composed Psalm 18 to commemorate the power and works of God throughout his life and administration.

“(The Lord) delivered me because He delighted in me. The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me. For I have kept the ways of the Lord, and have not wickedly departed from my God.” (Ps 18:20-22)

Is David delusional? Has he deceived himself? No. The proof is in 1 Kings 14:8 where the Lord says in a rebuke to evil king Jeroboam, “You are not like my servant David, who always obeyed My commands and followed me with all his heart. He did only what I said was right.”

You see, the truly amazing testimony of David’s life is that after his great sin, he repented. And because of his deep repentance without making excuse, God extended grace and forgiveness.

The most beautiful part of this story is that what God did David He’s willing to do for any of us. We get weighed down with guilt long after God has forgiven us. We need to follow His pathway to forgiveness and then trust His promise to cleanse us. “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12)

What a great end! You see dear ones, we can blow it. We can walk away from God. We can live in arrogance for a time, and perhaps that is exactly what has happened to you. You came in here today with sin in your heart. You weren’t sure that you’d hear this today. In fact, you really didn’t WANT to hear this today. You wanted life to go on without God noticing what happened. You wanted to let the sleeping dog lie. The problem is, Nathan’s words are ringing in your ears this morning. YOU ARE THAT MAN! YOU ARE THAT WOMAN! You are guilty, and you know it. The problem is, you have to respond to the conviction. You have to break. You have only two choices. You can break or harden… but hardening will do untold more damage in your life.

It is time to get it right, and you know it. Remember, you can leave today with the weight gone, or you can hide and carry it out the door. I always liked that Psalm 51 shared what David went through in his heart, so I will close with his words

Ps. 51:2  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity And cleanse me from my sin. 3 For … my sin is ever before me. 4 Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight… 6 Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being… Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Make me to hear joy and gladness..10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

In the continuing saga of the dysfunctional but royal family of Judah, the unbridled passions gave way to sinful practices. In their wake, the unhealthy way of dealing with the conflicts gave way to explosions in the home. Does anyone think this may be relevant today?

Axiom #1: Unresolved conflict goes underground! (13:21-22a).

David heard about the rape of his daughter by Amnon, and he became very angry, but failed to act on the information. Amnon carried on as if he hadn’t done anything wrong! (13:21-22a). Amnon appeared to have gotten away with it. Two years have gone past and who knows how many young girls fell victim to his schemes. There are so many things which come back later in life and in time to haunt us. Even those things which we thought were a sure bet, come trailing after us. Unresolved conflict smolders like something burning underground. On a Discovery channel special, some Canadian park rangers were seen digging holes around a camp site located deep in the wilderness of the Algonquin Provincial Park. The rangers were digging like mad and taking buckets of lake water and pouring it into the holes. When asked what was going on they said that they were putting out a fire. The on camera host was stunned, as he didn’t see any flames. They explained that it was a root fire. Someone had built a campfire where there was a root close to the surface. From there the fire had spread underground to several trees. You can’t see them, but you could feel the heat coming from the ground. The rangers said that if they did not put it out, it would burn down the entire island. There may be an underground fire in your home. You may be good at hiding it, but the heat is there, and if it is not put out it may burn down your home. You have to get to the root cause and put out the fire. You have to dig down and expose the fire to put it out. You have to open your heart to the other person and allow them to come in.

Axiom #2: Unresolved conflict turns yesterday’s anger is today’s bitterness! (13:22b)

Absalom, brother of Tamar and half-brother of Amnon grew bitter in anger but did not speak to Amnon about the rape (13:22b). Look at the fruit of the unresolved anger in Absalom’s life!

1. It gave him a fixation and desire for revenge that likely kept him from accomplishing great things.
2. It led him to concoct a plan and hide the truth.
3. It led Absalom into believing that he should be the one to repay Amnon. Absalom knew that by the laws of that day, the only punishment Amnon would experience would be to marry Tamar without ever being able to divorce her. This was not sufficient for Absalom, he wanted to be the judge and jury.
4. It kept Tamar desolate and depressed in her home with no hope of getting a just solution.
5. It put Absalom together with Jonadab, a slippery friend who alone seemed to know the plan Absalom made.

A man by the name of Steve Tran of Westminster, CA closed the door after activating 25 bug bombs in his apartment. He figured that the more he used the longer it would work. The fumes spread to the pilot light in his stove causing a great explosion, which knocked his door down and burned all of his furniture resulting in $10,000 worth of damages. Tran then reported by the following Sunday he already saw the roaches walking around again. Steve allowed his anger for the roaches to consume him causing destruction, and the problem was still there.

Axiom #3: Unresolved conflict will make sides develop. (13:23-28).

He waited two years, and eventually invited the whole royal family. David declined to go, but gave permission for the others to go. (2 Samuel 13:22b-25). Absalom asked David’s permission to have Amnon attend the party. David at first declined, then was talked into allowing Amnon by Absalom. (13:26-27). Absalom quietly gathered and instructed some men to kill Amnon, when and how he commanded. Hesitant, they needed to be encouraged by Absalom. (13:28). Do you see it? Absalom uses the same method Amnon used earlier to rape Tamar. Both boys got an unsuspecting and busy dad to aid them in their plotting against right behavior. Next Amnon got others involved in his sin, giving them the dirty work. Absalom reminds me of the lady reported on in a recent story I read: In a San Francisco paper an ad displayed that read, “1984 Mercedes 240 LS, fully loaded. First $50 gets the car.” A man read this and called to see if it was a misprint. To his surprise it was not. He rushed over there and gave the woman the $50 and as she handed over the title to the car he asked why she was selling it for so cheap. Se replied, “My husband just called from Las Vegas where he is with his secretary. He lost all of his money and wanted me to sell the car and send half of what I got for it to him so he could come home!” Just as with this woman it was easy to enlist people to a side. That is one thing that unresolved conflict most assuredly does!

Axiom #4: Unresolved conflict will push to the surface in some form of pain (13: 29-33).

At the time appointed, the men killed Amnon while the other royals fled the scene (13:29). At first, inaccurate messages came to David that all his sons were killed by Absalom. David tore his clothes and began mourning. (13:30-31). Look at the devastation that silence brought to David’s household. A desire to have peace led to war. David didn’t want to upset things, so he let them slide. The unresolved conflict of the family didn’t go away. In the end, look at the pain for:

1. Amnon: It just isn’t worth it! Have you ever done something wrong that seemed liked fun and was kind of enjoyable at the moment, but later when your actions were discovered and you had to pay the price, you said to yourself, “It just wasn’t worth it.” The moment we come into the world, a partner immediately comes to our side. The partner is committed to being with us till the day we die. Our partner will be there when we get out of bed, when we go to the bathroom, when we go to school, when we go to work, when we’re alone in the car, when we make it back home, when we’re getting ready for bed, and even when we’re in the bed. Our partner will appear at times to have left, but don’t believe it for a moment. We are more married to that partner than we will ever be to another person. We can’t even get away, by going into the corners of our mind. Who is this partner who we can hear clearer than we can hear God? Our partner is temptation. You can’t pray to God to get rid of it, but you can allow God to help you from being its slave. If you don’t, you will find yourself saying way too often, “it just wasn’t worth it.” What started out as a harmless thought led to temptation, which ran into some bad advice, which refused to consider the consequences, which went ahead and took what was desired. That all resulted in Amnon lying in a pool of blood with no possibility of escape. This is where temptation seeks to lead us. Each of us here has an enemy who want us to believe everything we want to have, we should have. And no matter what it might appear to cost, it’s going to be worth it for us to get it.. Follow that path, and you will find, IT JUST ISN’T WORTH IT!

2. Royal brothers: It would be a long time before they would have a family barbeque again. The suspicions would haunt this family for generations, and it all came about because of festering bitterness and brutality that was unanswered.

3. Absalom: First, Absalom attracted flies in his life**. He had to leave Tamar and not see her again. He may have thought he did it for HER, but it was really about HIM.

**Note: Then Jonadab (Amnon’s old friend?) shared that he knew the plot was only against Amnon (makes you wonder why Jonadab didn’t warn Amnon?) and that the others were alive still (13:30-33).He had to flee for his life, and live with the consequences of murder.

4. David: He thought things would work out. Things only tend to work out when you work on them.

Axiom #5: Unresolved Conflict becomes the pattern of dysfunction (13:34-39)

Absalom fled to his grandfather’s kingdom near the Sea of Galilee, and the other sons came home. Absalom remained away for three years. Though David wanted him home, he wouldn’t bring himself to go to his son (13:34-39). As a result of his poor parenting and poor example, enormous pain entered the family. Since David did nothing to resolve his son’s abhorrent behavior, his son Absalom decided to take matters into his own hands. He killed his brother Amnon. The family was hopelessly divided — the relationships between them desperately sick – all because a man failed to carry his responsive and repentant relationship to God over into his relationship with his family. Remember: Unresolved conflict is growing conflict. Healing is impossible without resolution!

Conclusion:

David’s story is just one among many in his world, and the hurts present in families today are just as real and complex. Hurts happen. They happen in every home. There are issues of power and control, personality differences, finances, different ways of handling children, insecurity, competition, misunderstood feelings and unmet needs, abuse and unfaithfulness. But in spite of some of these very serious hurts, healing can also happen in our homes.

Two things are required:

1. Honesty: Healing will not happen by ignoring the problems or pretending they do not exist. Healing will not happen if you are unwilling to face the problem and avoid doing the hard work of being honest with yourself about the issues and confronting them.

Chuck Colson recently told of a young girl named Carly Santi. For years her mother kept the truth from her that her father was in prison. Carly was devastated when she finally found out. She made up stories to her classmates about her father’s absence. She felt ashamed, even though she had done nothing wrong. The following summer she attended a special Christian camp designed for children of prisoners and learned that she was not alone. Her counselors told her that God really cared about her. She had been struggling with being mad at God, but the words of a song they sang at camp began to penetrate her heart: “Father, I adore you; Lay my life before you; How I love you.” Carly accepted Christ as her Savior, and felt God begin to heal the pain in her heart. Carly and her mom visited her dad in prison and encouraged him to attend one of the in-prison Bible studies. Dennis Santi not only went to the Bible study, he gave his life to Christ and began to grow in his relationship with God. One day he asked Carly to forgive him for the shame and embarrassment he had caused her. It was the first time he had owned up to what he had done to his family and the pain he had caused. From that point on the healing began in their family. Honesty and confession are always where healing begins in relationships.

2. Change: There must be a willingness to stop the things that hurt. In biblical terms, this is repentance. Just as we turn from the things that damage our relationship with God, so we turn from the things that damage our relationship with our marriage partner or our children. To continue to do the things that we know hurt another person is not only wrong, it is cruelty. This means that we must own what we have done wrong and take responsibility for it. Sometimes great animosities can arise over great trivialities. “Don’t let pride keep you from doing what is necessary to bring healing to your home. Don’t be so concerned about getting even that you kill the life of something very valuable.”

The great secret about conflict is that when it is resolved it actually increases intimacy. Unresolved conflict can drive you apart, but when it is faced squarely and dealt with it can bring you closer together.

When we sin, we set in automatic motion a series of problems that roll into our lives. David’s premier moment for “blowing it” with Bathsheba and Uriah will become the lab in which we will dissect the process, pain and product of disobedience. God took His time on this story, allowing us to understand what truly goes on in the recesses of our heart, when we go astray. David recovered, but never rid himself of some of the pain of those decisions…

The Failure (11:1-4)

1. Restlessness: Wrong place (11:1)
2. Idleness: Doing too little right (11:2)

People find it hard to understand that simply doing nothing is so dangerous to spiritual life and vitality — but it’s really only a reflection of our normal, daily experience. Relationships fall apart because we don’t work at them. A beautiful garden is destroyed by neglect; a house crumbles around you if you don’t maintain it. Many people die prematurely, not through any accident, but simply by neglecting their health; ignoring the warning signs and not making the necessary adjustments. As Solomon put it (Prov.24:33, 34), “You sleep a little; you take a nap. You fold your hands and lie down to rest. Soon you will be as poor as if you had been robbed; you will have as little as if you had been held up.”

3. Stubborness: Sense of privilege (11:3)

The Talmud (Derek Evetz, 1.26) says, “Tremble before a minor sin, lest it lead you to a major one.” And so we should.

Dietrich Bonhoffer In his little book “Temptation” writes this:  “In our members there is a slumbering inclination towards desire which is both sudden and fierce. With irresistible power desires seize mastery over the flesh. All at once a secret smoldering fire is kindled. The flesh burns and is in flames. It makes no difference if it is sexual desire, ambition, vanity, love of fame, power, or money. Joy of God is extinguished in us, and we seek all our joy in the creature. At this moment God is quite unreal to us. He looses all reality and only desire for the creature is real. Satan does not here fill us with hatred of God, but with forgetfulness of God. I don’t hate God when I lust, I simply forget Him. I forget He is holy, I forget He is jealous for His name. I forget that my reputation is not at stake, it is HIS that is at stake. The lust thus aroused envelopes the mind and the will in deepest darkness. Clear discrimination and decision are taken from us. At that moment we are altogether indecisive and indiscriminate. A woman can lust for a man not even knowing his name. A man can lust for a woman not even knowing what her face looks like or anything about her character. He can be aroused without even speaking to her.

4. Defiance: Writing new rules for himself (11:4)

The Cover Up (11:5-17)

1. Discovery: Others will know what I have done (11:5)

Days, if not weeks pass by. David may very well have forgotten about his tryst with Uriah’s wife, but then he receives news that she is pregnant. David knows that the child is his so, being a strategist, he concocts a foolproof plan: It’s still early in the pregnancy, so order Bathsheba’s husband home from the battle field; he’ll certainly sleep with her and discover later that he and his wife are expecting a child. Perfect.

2. Deception: Make it appear other than the way it is (11:6-13). The father of lies can best be seen where crooked is being made to look straight.

• Make wrong look right: Get Uriah to think it is his baby (11:6-9).
• Cloak selfishness in fake concern: Get Uriah to believe untrue motives (11:10-11)
• I can out think this: Get Uriah drunk to get his cooperation – corrupt the other guy into cooperating! (11:12-13)
• I am really quite noble: Get Uriah killed so it will look like David is doing an honorable thing (11:14-16)

The Results (11:16-27)

1. Innocent casualties (11:16-17). Benjamin Franklin said, “Sin is not hurtful because it is forbidden, but it is forbidden because it is hurtful”

2. Spread of deception and self-justification (11:18-24).

3. Practice of dual speech (11:25). “Nothing sounds so hollow as a believer living in lust and deception speaking encouragement of Scripture!”

4. Hypocrisy (11:26-27a).

David violated his body. He violated Bathsheba. He violated his “sons who had almost reached the age of manhood” (Pink); he violated the nation God chose him to lead; he violated Uriah; worst of all, he violated the Lord himself, who had spoken so clearly in the Ten Commandments: “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).

Just a little one night stand, the world will sing. But sinning is like throwing a hefty rock into a pond. You just don’t hear and see the splash; you see the ripples. The tragedy is in the ripples and what they touch. So often we try to ignore the ripples of sin.

5. Distance from God (11:27b).

Did you ever hear of Edgar Allen Poe’s story, “The Telltale Heart”? The main character has committed murder and he buries the body of the victim in his basement, but he’s unable to escape the guilt of his crime. He begins to hear the heartbeat of his dead victim. This goes on and on and on, the heartbeat growing louder and louder. Eventually, the man goes mad, but the pounding that he heard was not from the grave below but from within his own chest. You get the feeling that’s how David felt. The guilt became unbearable.

Randy Alcorn wrote words to those of us in ministry, but the same words can be used for your life as well, in his article in Leadership Magazine: “What Happens When you fall”: The Consequences of a Moral Tumble:

1. I grieve the Lord who redeemed me when I tumble.
2. I drag His sacred name into the mud.
3. I forget I will one day look Jesus the righteous judge in the face and give account of my actions. I will stand there without an answer.
4. I begin my journey following in the footsteps of those who have gone before that have forsaken their ministries and caused me in the past to shudder.
5. I inflict untold hurt on Nancy, my faithful friend and loyal wife. I lose Nancy’s respect and trust, hurting my beloved daughters, Rachel and Angie.
6. I destroy my credibility with my children.
7. If my blindness should continue or my wife should be unable to forgive, I may end up losing my wife and my children forever.
8. I cause shame to my family.
9. I lose my self respect.
10. I form memories and flash backs that could plague future intimacy with my wife.
11. I waste years of ministry training and experience for a long time, and perhaps permanently.
12. I undermine the faithful example of other hard working Christians in our community.
13. I would be bringing great pleasure to Satan.
14. I would be heaping enormous judgment on the person with whom I was committing adultery.
15. I could possibly bear the physical consequences of my sin with diseases such as gonorrhea, syphilis, clomidia, herpes or aids.
16. I could even infect Nancy, or in the case of aids, causing her death.
17. I would bring shame and hurt to fellow Pastors and elders: (Names).
18. I would invoke life long embarrassment on myself.

Take heed, lest you fall!

The GOOD NEWS IS You don’t need to end your walk with chapter 11. Chapter 12 follows, and there is a way to be saved!

One Pastor wrote: We were doing a baptism service. We told people before they came up to the platform to be baptized to take a piece of paper, write down a few of the sins they’ve committed, and fold the paper. When they come up to the platform, there was a large wooden cross on the stage. Take that piece of paper, take a pin, and pin it to the cross, because the Bible says our sins are nailed to the cross with Jesus Christ, and fully paid for by his death. Then turn and come to the pastor to be baptized.

The Pastor shared a letter a woman wrote who was baptized in one of those services.  She said: I remember my fear. In fact, it was the most fear I remember in my life. I wrote as tiny as I could on that piece of paper the word abortion. I was so scared someone would open the paper and read it and find out it was me. I wanted to get up and walk out of the auditorium during the service, the guilt and fear were that strong. When my turn came, I walked toward the cross, and I pinned the paper there. I was directed to a pastor to be baptized. He looked me straight in the eyes, and I thought for sure that he was going to read this terrible secret I kept from everybody for so long. But instead, I felt like God was telling me, I love you. It’s okay. You’ve been forgiven. I felt so much love for me, a terrible sinner. It’s the first time I ever really felt forgiveness and unconditional love. It was unbelievable, indescribable.

Do you have a secret sin that you wouldn’t even want to write down for fear that somebody might open it and find out? How about a sin that always “unfolds” in your mind whenever you try to “move on” or receive God‘s blessing?

I have good news:

Psalm 103:8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; 10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

In the book entitled, “A Forgiving God in an Unforgiving World” a true story is told of a missionary in the Philippines, a much-loved man of God who carried the burden of a secret sin he had committed many years before. He had repented but still had no peace, no sense of God’s forgiveness. Nearby was a woman who deeply loved God and who claimed to have visions in which she spoke with Christ and he with her. The missionary however, was skeptical. To test her he said, “The next time you speak with Christ, I want you to ask him what sin I committed while he was in seminary.” The woman agreed. A few days later the missionary asked, “Did Christ visit you in your dreams?” “Yes, he did,” she replied. “And did you ask him what sin I committed in seminary?” “Yes.” “Well, what did he say?” “Jesus said, ’I don’t remember.’”

Now that you are the leader, what does that mean? What does God expect you to know to carry out leadership? David learned in battles with neighbors and a tapestry of daily leadership choices. We will wade into the pool of leadership with him, and see if we can discern the central lessons God taught him! Today we will look at seven lessons:

• Great leaders are “values driven” leaders: Because you know what you mean, doesn’t mean THEY know what you mean. Even if your heart is right, their heart may not be! You cannot always judge your performance by the reaction of others (so your actions must be values driven! 10:1-2).

• Great leaders are discerning leaders: When the well is poisoned, the water is bitter. When you get a reaction that is unexpected, it usually comes because of a factor that ISN’T you. If you take everything personally, you will find yourself paralyzed! (10:3-4).

• Great leaders are empathetic leaders: When the followers are hurt, you will need to give them time and attention to get them back on their feet. (10:5).

• Great leaders are proactive leaders: Most problems work out, because you WORK at them! Problems will have a way of growing as other “bandwagon” the problem. (10:6-8). Action is not always necessary, but knowing when to act and how to act proportionately is a great leadership test.

• Great leaders are delegating leaders: Find competent people to manage every issue and let leaders lead. If you over-manage leaders they will chafe against you. Things may well be trickier than you foresee them! (10:9-10).

• Great leaders are team builders: They must understand the things that hold God’s people together: a) loyalty to their families; b) desire to hold what God has given us; c) a drive to see God’s will accomplished. (10:11).

• Great leaders are tenacious: Quitters are unrealiable and ultimately dangerous in leadership positions. They dishearten people! a) Tenacious leaders read the situation well, because they put everything on the line to make the steps necessary for success (10:13-14); b) Tenacious leaders don’t retreat when others join in to hurt the people (10:15-16); c) Tenacious leaders aren’t afraid to get involved in any level necessary to get the job done (10:17-19).

At the end of the day, everything depends on leadership.

The quality of the leader determines much about the impact of the work – in any area! God has defined and illustrated what great leadership techniques are. It is less dependent on what we were, than what models we follow!

Does God have a model for fathering? What are the priorities for this important work? What does God say he wants us to accomplish? Today is dad’s day to reflect on what God calls him to be and do! We will seek to see God’s hand in the life of a man that truly desires to honor the Lord!

The story of Mephibosheth is a wonderful story of God’s grace and salvation. He started life as a prince, but by age five he lost his inheritance through the sins of his grandfather. He ran from the palace and was crippled by a fall. He spent time in darkness, until the David ( a type of “Savior-King”)  came to restore his promised life as a result of a covenant with his father. This Savior-King loved and provided for him. He lived for awhile with the Savior-King missing from him and accusations about him were carried to that King. Yet, in time the Savior-King came and rescued him! What a picture of loving adopted fathering or mentoring! David’s love for Mephibosheth is the setting for our story this morning. It is the story of deliberate fathering.

Key One: Make a Conscious Choice to Parent (9:1-6).

Key Two: Express your Feelings of Love and Warmth (9:7a).

Key Three:  Give tools for a Meaningful Life of Accomplishment (9:7b).

Key Four:  Spend Time Sharing their Life (9:7b).

Key Five:  Engender, Teach and Accept Respect (9:8).

Key Six:  Speak Openly to Honor Your Child (9:9).

Key Seven:  Provide Companions and Tools for Success (9:10).

Key Eight:  Don’t Compete – Share your Provisions and Prestige with them (9:11).

Key Nine:  Celebrate Their Growth and Blessing (9:12).

Key Ten:  Look Beyond Their Limitations to Their Abilities (9:13).

God has a standard, and His models offer the key truths that can help identify the standard!