Author: Randall Smith

On January 3, 2008 an important man died. In Brooklyn, NY, this one time executive of a Fortune 500 company breathed his last, He had prepared his own lavish funeral. His body was dressed with a stunning Italian suit. Guests for the funeral have already been notified of the viewing and coming funeral. It will be well attended, because he provided for an elegant luncheon to follow, along with the reading of his will. Had he not done so, he knew the funeral parlor would be empty. You see, he was powerful, but he had no friends. He had wealth, but he had no admirers that did not want a “piece” of him. He knew it well enough. Like Ebenezer Scrooge, he didn’t want the only emotion at his death to be some old house keeper anxiously pawning the bed curtains. He carefully organized a memorial to himself, paid an expensive price to have his hair and face “redone” to look almost alive. He even chose what china would be used to have a dinner in his honor. He even chose his burial plot and had the carving of the tombstone cut without the date, ready to go. He was a man that left his own memorial, his own “standing stone”. Once a man of great power – now he was reduced to memorializing himself.

Three thousand years ago, a man faced a similar predicament. His life hadn’t left any deep marks on others. He was powerful, but pitiful, all at the same time. He had no children, and the Bible says at the end of his life (2 Samuel 18:18) “in his lifetime (he) had taken and set up for himself a pillar which is in the King’s Valley (in Jerusalem).” His end was tragic, the consequence of failed parenting and a rebellious spirit. Yet, he was loved. What went wrong?

Two men awoke that morning on opposite sides of a battle line. Only one would live to see the sunset. Both faced momentous decisions. Only one faced the darkness encamped with real friends that he developed over a lifetime of serving people. The difference in the crisis was how the men shaped life before the crisis….

Key Principle: How we deal with pain can be the key factor to our success in life.

A Few Observations about Absalom that may teach us:

This morning I can only chose pieces of Absalom’s story for our Scripture reading so I’ve divided it into six small sections.

Before we proceed with his appearances, listen to the description of the young man Absalom – 2 Samuel 14:25, 26. “Now in all Israel there was no one to be praised so much for his beauty as Absalom; from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. When he cut the hair of his head (for at the end of every year he used to cut it; when it was heavy on him, he cut it), he weighed the hair of his head, 200 shekels by the king’s weight.”

1. Let’s begin with where Absalom first comes into the Biblical text in 2 Sam. 3. Absalom rose out of the text of Scripture in a time when his dad was rising to the throne, terribly busy with important alliances. Absalom was a middle child, the product of a minor alliance with the King of Geshur and a wife supplied to seal the deal (2 Sam. 3:1-5).

2. Absalom next appears, years later, when the public scandal of his father broke the news and his war campaigns of his father were pushing the message of scandal off the front pages to allow the King to reemerge as the obvious hero of his day (2 Sam. 13:1). He is not the subject here, but is a secondary player in the story of the rape of his sister by a half-brother Amnon. A few things to note about this encounter, though. Here Absalom observed three important things about his father that helped shape his course in life.

• First, he learned that it was not difficult to manipulate his dad, as he saw Amnon accomplish (13:6). He did it by observation of his parent, when his parent was unaware of his eyes. Doubt that he understood this? He would later use the same tactic in 2 Sam. 13:26-27).
• He also learned how his (now fallen) dad reacted to sin in the life of those he had charge over. In other words, he found a guilt spot in his dad that left him vulnerable to under reaction. He found a moral soft spot brought on by his dad’s own compromise! (13:21).

The writer of Proverbs was Solomon, the younger brother of Absalom. I want you to read with me a portion of Proverbs 3 that illuminates the meaning of the fifth commandment, words that Absalom should have had taken heed of as a young man.

“My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and abundant welfare will they give you. . . Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”

When Solomon wrote those words more than likely, Solomon pondered the undisciplined life of his brother, Absalom as he penned the words, “do not rely on your own insight,…be not wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.” And Solomon probably shed tears as he wrote “let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life and abundant welfare they will give you.”

• Finally, he experienced how his dad reacted when something that was both unjust and hurtful to HIM. The silence on the issue of his pain was deafening until Absalom could bear it no more (13:23). Injustice breeds dissatisfaction and anger, and the language of anger is rebellion. Absalom was culpable, but dad bore some real responsibility!

3. The third appearance of Absalom is when he decided to be judge and jury for his half brother Amnon, and have him killed (13:24-39). A closer look a this passage reveals more lessons that shaped the young man:

• He learned where he could turn (a family ally) that would NOT cause him to face consequences (2 Sam. 13:37-38). There are people we love to turn to because they love us and protect us. Yet, they don’t truly help us because they refuse to be involved in shaping us into responsible people. Grandaddy Talmai was one such man.

• He learned from his dad’s silence that his pride and other political considerations were worth more to his dad than a relationship with him (13:39). Dad may say he loves me, but I am apparently not worth the chase!

• Even when he was brought back into his father’s good graces, he no doubt heard that it was because dad was “talked into it” (14:21). Dad never reached of his own accord. It seemed he was a political pawn.

• Add to that the reality that his dad kept him from coming to see him, and feeling fully loved and accepted (14:24-28). You may say, “Wait! He should be disciplined for the killing of his brother!” That is true enough, but David neither pardons and forgives, nor punishes. The passivity on his part was planned in the text. Passive parenting leads to deep feelings of insecurity and pain in children, even adult children!

4. Absalom now forces his way into our story. Discontent to sit for another month to await some word directly from his dad on his own future, the idle son set on fire the fields of the chief of staff of David, to finally convince the man of his serious desire to have audience before his dad (14:30). Can you imagine that? The child had to misbehave and agitate people close to his dad to get any response to from his dad! How painful to look into the mirror each day and see yourself, but know you are utterly invisible to your parent.

There are THREE MYTHS ABOUT PAIN:

1. God’s children are not supposed to suffer pain.

2. If I hurt, there must be something wrong with me.

3. If I hurt, there must be something wrong with God.

WHY PAIN?

“If God were good, He would wish to make His creatures perfectly happy and if God were almighty He would be able to do what He wished. But the creatures suffer pain; therefore does God lack goodness or power, or both? None of these. Pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”-C. S. Lewis

One Pastor told the story about a boy who grew up in a rural community that specialized in growing tobacco. Their first summer job was to weed the crop and most of the time he and his fellow workers would walk the seemingly endless rows with a hoe, scuffing out weeds in relative comfort. But sooner or later when they got close to the fence, they ran into thistles- hundreds and hundreds of these little thistles. They looked harmless enough, but you couldn’t scuff them out with a hoe; you had to get down on your knees and pull those prickly little things out by the roots. You know, bitterness is a lot like those little thistles. We can put away hurts and pains, but the only way to get rid of bitterness is to fall to our knees and root it out through prayerful dependence on God.

HOW TO RESPOND TO PAIN

How we deal with pain can be the key factor to our success in life.

On January 3, 2008, an important man died. He had few earthly riches. His body was used up. The love of his life preceded him in death. He quietly slipped into eternity in the presence of his dear friends and loved one. His footprint on the earth was deep and well placed. He loved many people, and they loved him. He cared for things eternal, and God smiled on his life in amazing ways. He even had the joy of sharing Jesus and leading an 80 year old woman to salvation in the closing days of his life. He doesn’t have a grave stone. His body is being used by science. He didn’t need to find a way to have people remember him. They already do!

Both Absalom and David faced momentous decisions. Only one faced them with friends that wanted his success. Absalom’s selfish life left him alone and without another to remember him. David’s friends, by contrast, carried David’s good when he could not help himself. The difference is what relationships David made before the crisis….

I become incensed whenever I see or hear of a child treating their parent in a disrespectful way. Some daytime television talk shows have given us a glimpse at what’s going on in some families today. Maybe you’ve watched some of them. I won’t give them a free commercial by mentioning their names, for their names are really not that important. They all pretty much do shows on the same topics: “Kids Out of Control!”… “Children Off The Hook!” … “I’m Afraid of My Child!” … The list could go on and on.

–Imagine it. Having to run and hide from the child you have given life to!
— Imagine it. Having to hire body guards to protect you from the child you have sacrificed and toiled for to put a roof over their heads!
— Imagine it. Having to suffer the shame and embarrassment of those who heard about Absalom’s actions and as your walk down a public street hearing them whisper, “There goes David. It’s a shame what his son did to him!”

What did David do? He demonstrated the character that got him through the difficult situation:

1. Focused: Faced the problem and understood the need to get his people to safety (17:24).

We must learn to identify the facts and face them. Then we must analyze the situation correctly:

Consider this new study:

(A) Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(B) The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(C) Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(D) Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

(E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. Apparently, It’s speaking English that kills you.

Seriously, it is important to identify the REAL issues. Too many people are caught up in panic over things they cannot control. Mark Twain said this: “I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

2. Trusted: David stood on the shoulders of his loyal friends (17:27-29). Note: Shobi was the child of a conquered King. David treated people so well in his life that when things went very wrong for him, people that could have been enemies decided rather to stand  with him.

3. Organized: the people to meet the challenge (18:1a). Divided the responsibilities under responsible people and set the chain of command in front of all (18:1b-2).

You aren’t designed to do everything yourself. I am amazed at the craze of self help literature that suggests you can do anything on your own! It isn’t true. In fact, others see the craziness of this. One guy complied this little list of titles he thinks people should put on their books!

1. Chickenless Soup for the Vegetarian Soul
2. 7,000 Habits of Highly Compulsive People
3. Stupidity for Dummies
4. Teaching Yourself to Read
5. How to Lose Five Pounds in Six Years
6. How to Rip People off by Writing Self-help Books.

4. Grabbed Responsibility: Took the responsibility personally (18:2b).

Presidential Advice was given by a lame duck President who met his successor in the Oval office in the transition period near the end and presented the incoming leader 3 numbered envelopes. He told the new President to open them in order when great difficulties presented themselves. After new the President had a “honeymoon” period wmedia & public, the US experienced an economic downturn. Frustrated, he opened the 1st envelope. Inside a card read: “Blame me.” So he set out and criticized the former administration. Sometime later, a social upheaval brought about a critical domestic crisis. Exasperated, the President opened the #2 envelope. Inside the card said simply, “Blame my party”. He did so, in an overt display of partisan politics. A year later, when his foreign policy resulted in serious problems that took him to the end of his rope, the President opened the third envelope. Inside, the card read: “Prepare three envelopes.” After all, You can only blame so long before you become responsible.

All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault we find with another, regardless of how much we blame someone, it will not change us.The only thing blaming someone does is to keep the focus off of us while we look for external reasons to explain our unhappiness or frustration. We may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming them, but we won’t succeed in changing and moving away f rom the sin that is making us unhappy.

5. Listened to the hearts of his people and acknowledged his age limitation (18:3, cp 17:2). He did what was best for the Kingdom, and did not act in vanity.

How well do you really listen? Let me test you: You are driving a bus. You go east 12 miles, and turn south and go 2 miles and take on 9 passengers, and then you turn west and go 3 miles and let off 4 passengers. How old is the bus driver? The main problem that many people have when trying to answer this brain teaser is listening. A lot of the times, we latch onto certain information that we think is important in a question and then somehow, miss the most important part. When I first read this question earlier this morning, like many of you, I latched onto the directions (east, south, west), the distance and the number of passengers on the bus. Those are things that that are important right? When I got to the end and it asked how old the bus driver is, I just was dumb founded. “Wait a minute,” I thought, “how are we going to find the age of the buss driver from the information given.” I took a minute and looked at the numbers are wondered if there was some secret message in the numbers and maybe, if you added them together or something, it would work. It wasn’t for a few moments that I finally realized that the clue to this teaser was a simple, three letter word that starts the whole question off. “YOU are the bus driver.”

Listening and loving go together like peaches and cream. If you love people you listen to them. You hear what they have to say. I read a story this past week that illustrates the point.

“A young lady by the name of Lisa was approached by her outreach pastor and asked if she would become part of a new evangelism team. After Lisa considered the request for a moment, her first words out of her mouth were, ‘I’m sorry, I’m no good at evangelism!’ Since that is the response that the outreach pastor received many times he asked her, ‘Wouldn’t it be exciting to help people come to know Jesus?’ ‘Oh,’ replied Lisa with a big smile, ‘I get to do that all the time.’ When the outreach pastor heard that he asked her what she meant. Lisa said, ‘Every few months God sends me a new friend to listen to. Pretty much all I do is tune in to what’s going on in that person’s life and let the person know that I care. Sooner or later, for some reason, most people ask me how to get to know Jesus. When they do, I tell them. And then we pray together to ask the Lord to come into their hearts. I can’t stand the idea of high pressure knocking on doors evangelism thing: it feels too manipulative to me. Listening to people and talking to them heart to heart is something I love to do.’ After a stunned moment the outreach pastor roared with laughter. Then he asked, ‘Just out of curiosity, how many people are we talking about?’ Lisa could not say at the moment, but when she went home that night she started reflecting back, looking up in her personal journals the past seven years. What she found was that she had helped more than 80 people begin a personal relationship with Jesus! All because she would start by listening to them. (From the book “Outflow” by Steve Sjogren and Dave Ping.)

6. Placed his blessing on each going out (18:4).

7. Exuded compassion for his enemy, but anticipated victory! (18:5).

In 1975, a child named Raymond Dunn, Jr., was born in the state of New York. The Associated Press (AP) reported that at his birth, a skull fracture and oxygen deprivation caused severe retardation. As the child grew up, the family discovered that he had other impairments. His twisted body suffered up to 20 seizures per day – He was blind, he was mute, and he was immobile. And if that wasn’t enough, he had severe allergies that limited him to only one food – a meat-based formula produced by Gerber Foods. In 1985, Gerber Foods ceased production of the formula that Raymond Dunn, Jr., depended on to survive. His mother scoured the country, buying up all the formula that stores had in stock – accumulating cases and cases of the product; however, in 1990, her supply ran out – without this particular food, Raymond Dunn, Jr., would starve to death. In desperation, his mother appealed to Gerber Foods for help. The employees of the company listened; and, in an unprecedented action, volunteers donated hundreds of hours to bring out old equipment, set up production lines – with permission from the Food and Drug Administration – and produced the formula – all for one special boy! In January 1995, Raymond Dunn, Jr., known as the “Gerber Boy,” died from his physical problems. However, during his lifetime, he called forth a wonderful thing called compassion.

8. Experienced God’s aid (18:6-8). Jas 4:8-10 “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up”

I came across a little prayer in a Christian magazine, headed: “A Morning Prayer for Help” – note that I said “morning”! “Dear God, so far today I’ve done alright, I haven’t gossiped, lost my temper, been nasty, selfish or over indulgent. But in a few minutes God, I’m going to get out of bed and from then on, I’m going to need all the help I can get.“

We can face a crisis successfully if we exhibit a godly character.

On August 16, 1987, Northwest Airlines flight 225 crashed just after taking off from the Detroit airport, killing 155 people. One survived: a four-year-old from Tempe, Arizona, named Cecelia. News accounts say when rescuers found Cecelia they did not believe she had been on the plane. Investigators first assumed Cecelia had been a passenger in one of the cars on the highway onto which the airliner crashed. But when the passenger register for the flight was checked, there was Cecelia’s name. Cecelia survived because, even as the plane was falling, Cecelia’s mother, Paula Chican, unbuckled her own seat belt, got down on her knees in front of her daughter, wrapped her arms and body around Cecelia, and then would not let her go . . . Such is the love of our [heavenly Father and] Savior for us. He left heaven, lowered himself to us, and covered us with the sacrifice of his own body to save us.

There are times when evil looks like it will triumph over good. Ashamed and beaten, the valiant David fled into the wilderness. Unsure of how God would repay his sinful neglect, David was deeply unsure of what God was doing. Meanwhile, back in Jerusalem, Absalom partied his way to the palace. Where was God? How could David recover? .

There are two sections to the narrative:

• The Story of David’s Encounters (16:1-14)
• The story of Absalom’s Arrival (16:15-23)

Within the story there are six people that reveal the kinds of people we should expect to encounter during a crisis:

1.  Ziba the Servant (16:1-4): Acting as an opportunist, he put supplies together to help David through his difficult time, but had the desire to receive a long term benefit out of aiding David (16:4b).

• He came out to meet him and had things that David needed (16:1).
• He had a plan for their use (16:2).
• He was quick to give up information not flattering to his master (16:3). People that easily share negative information with you, share it about you.
• He didn’t hesitate to signal that he wanted favor for his work (16:4). People that offer help with strings are people you need to be careful about.

2.  Mephibosheth the Prince (16:3): Though treated very well by David (2 Sam. 9) because of a long standing covenant with Jonathan his father (1 Sam. 20), Mephibosheth still may have desired to receive the throne. We cannot tell if he really felt the way Ziba said he did, but we do know that he stayed behind. That was a strange way to behave if he didn’t want to look disloyal.

3.   Shimei the Heckler (16:5-9,13): Shimei was deeply hurt because David gave over some of the house of Saul to be killed for Saul’s wrongdoing to the Gibeonites (recalled in 2 Samuel 21, though it happened before these events..). Shimei wanted to see David die a painful death. He was bitter and angry.

• He sought the conflict and came looking for a fight (16:5).
• He was so hurt he jeopardized his life by attacking many at once (16:6).
• He wanted David to know why he was so angry (16:7).
• He automatically assumed the misfortune of David was as a result of things that made HIM hurt. It never occurred to Shimei that his situation may not have been in any way connected (16:8,13).

An older couple were on a trip across country and they stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. As they got up to leave, the woman forgot and left her glasses on the table. They were several miles down the road before she realized she didn’t have them and to make matters worse, her husband had to travel quite a distance down the road before they could find a place to turn around. The old man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He berated for her foolishness and stupidity. How could she be so thoughtless! When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses the old man said, “Well, as long as you’re going back in there, you may as well get my hat, too.”

After a preacher had given a sermon on spiritual gifts, a woman from the congregation came up to him and said, “That was a great sermon… but I believe I only have one talent.” The preacher smiled and asked, “What’s your talent? The man replied, “I have the gift of criticism.” To which the preacher wisely, “The Bible says that the guy who had only one talent went out and buried it. Maybe that’s what you ought to do with yours.”

Catherine Marshall (considered by many to be one of the more godly women of the last century) noticed this trait in herself. So she decided to go on a “fast” from being critical. She noted: “For the first half of the day, I simply felt a void, almost as if I had been wiped out as a person. This was especially true at lunch…I listened to the others and kept silent… In our talkative family no one seemed to notice. Bemused, I noticed that my comments were not missed. The federal government, the judicial system, and the institutional church could apparently get along fine without my penetrating observations.” In short, stripped of being able to make any negative comments… she found she had nothing to say!

4.   Abishai the Reactionary (16:9-12,14): Shocked that David allowed such insubordinate behavior, Abishai was ready to start shedding blood (16:9). David understood the irony of battling this fight (16:10-11) while fleeing from Absalom. Remember: Some friends will get you into the wrong fight. They want to help, but focus isn’t their strong suit. They can get you caught up, worked up and worn out, but it won’t fix the problem!

5.   Hushai the Secret Friend (16:16-19): The Lord was using real friends to defend David though he couldn’t see what was happening at the time. When David had no control, he set in motion help and trusted the Lord and his friends to do what they must do in his defense.

6.   Ahithophel the Expert (16:20-23): He looked on top of the world. The new king turned to HIM for a plan. Yet, as a turncoat to David, he offered cruel and wicked advice. He may have seemed like the expert, and may have even been wise by the standard of the day (16:23), but God was working behind the scenes to confound his career (17:14b).

How did David keep himself together when pulled in so many directions? (16:11-14)

1)       David RESISTED the temptation to get caught up in the wrong fight, but conserved his strength for the coming battle (16:11).

2)       David REMEMBERED his own sin (16:12) and didn’t presume that none of this was his fault. The key to a humble, uncritical spirit is to remember that we’ve sinned.

A man told of the time his Aunt Varie had a woman friend over. The two women had spent a good deal of the afternoon trying to impress each other with how religious they were. Finally, the other woman left, and my Aunt Varie smugly turned to Uncle Will and remarked, “You know, Mrs. Sills is a good Christian, but I just believe I live closer to the Lord.” Uncle Will thought a moment, and then replied, “Ain’t either of you crowding Jesus any.”

In I John 1:8-9 “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

3)       David REACHED UPWARD TO God’s faithfulness (16:12b).

Psalm 3 was written by David while he was fleeing Absalom.
“A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom. O LORD, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.” But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.” (Psalm 3:1-4)

One article I read said this:

I AM THANKFUL FOR………
The taxes I pay ….because it means I’m employed.
The clothes that fit a little too snug ….because it means I have enough to eat.
My shadow who watches me work ….because it means I am out in the sunshine.
A lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing ….because it means I have a home.
The spot I find at the far end of the parking lot ….because it means I am capable of walking.
My huge heating bill ….because it means I am warm.
All the complaining I hear about our government ….because it means we have freedom of speech.
The lady behind me in church who sings off key ….because it means that I can hear.
The piles of laundry and ironing ….because it means my loved ones are nearby.
The alarm that goes off in the early morning hours ….because it means that I’m alive.
Weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day ….because it means I have been productive.

If we focus on God’s faithfulness then you and I can inoculate ourselves against the ungratefulness that is often the source of a critical spirit.

4)       David REQUESTED God’s blessing be restored (Psalm 3:5-8) continues:

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side. Arise, O LORD! Deliver me, O my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked. From the LORD comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people.”

When condemned, we may need to utter: Romans 8:1 “There is now NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus”.  When we recognize and REMEMBER this truth, we are protected from the spiritual illness of a negative and critical heart.

There’s a story about a crazy old woman who was known to be crazy because she would walk down the streets talking to herself. One of her best known pastimes was talk to Jesus… and Jesus would talk back. One day a new preacher came to town and thought that perhaps he might be able to cure her of this odd activity. So one day, he spied her on the street and went over to talk to her:
“I hear that you often talk to Jesus?” he remarked.
“Oh yes,” she replied. “Jesus and I often have long talks together.”
“Would you do me favor?” he inquired. “The next time you talk to Jesus, could you ask him what the last sin I confessed to Him was?”
She agreed, and the next day as he was walking down the sidewalk, he saw here again and went to her.
“Did you ask Jesus the question?” he asked.
“Oh yes,” she exclaimed. “Jesus and I talked about it for a long time.”
“Oh.” he said thoughtfully. “Well, what did He say my last confessed sin was?”
“He said He didn’t remember.”

The Allies won WWII. Yet, not every day looked like victory. A lot of days it looked like defeat was inevitable. Gauging the war with too close a look yielded the wrong conclusion.

In today’s text, David learned that sometimes you must step back and lose a battle to win a war. His pattern of hesitance to tackle sinful behavior, his misplaced love and his guilt may have slowed his reactions to the rising challenges of a rebellious son, he was eventually forced to act. Absalom decided to attack what was rightfully Davids.

David knew that you cannot always win in the first round. It may take a retreat to evaluate the situation before you can square off with rebellion and resistance. Yet, in all this David left us a pattern for handling a crisis that strikes our hearts deeply and personally.

Key Principle: When handled Biblically, even a crisis can become a sweet time of God’s instruction to shape us to be more usable to Him.

Several years ago, a Los Angeles Times (5/23/01) article with the curious headlines of “Pests Pester Even the Poshest of Posh Spots” caught my eye. The poshest of posh spots was the famed, luxurious, 285-room, 16-floor Four Seasons Hotel nearby the upscale Rodeo Drive shopping haven, and the pests were the cannot-live-with, but hard-to-kill and never-say-die roaches that invade the main kitchen of the hotel. The pest problems surfaced when the Los Angeles health inspectors paid a surprise visit and discovered six or more egg capsules behind an industrial-strength dishwasher, five or six dead insects on the floor, five or more live adults on the wall, 12-plus live nymphs or baby roaches and two dead nymphs stuck to some tape in the dishwasher area.

The powerful Department of Health Services, which has authorization to shut down food facilities for as long as necessary for the owners to correct conditions that pose a danger to public health, cited the hotel for violation code M (vermin infestation) and N (failure to prevent entrance and harboring of vermin). A county spokesman said, “We don’t take closures lightly. We also had a suspension and revocation hearing about this happening, and that speaks to the gravity of the situation.” Two days later the county reported after a re-inspection: “We went out and found the infestation was still there. We kept it closed.” Finally, three days later, the A rating was reinstated.

David had a secret, a skeleton in his closet that was not dealt with. It would not go away and would resurface at will.

• Absalom was the third son of David, his mother was the third wife of David and his grandfather was the king of Geshur (2 Sam 3:3).
• The most outstanding, charismatic, and ambitious of David’s children, Absalom had the perfect looks, the perfect build, and the perfect hair (2 Sam 14:25-26), but not the right or necessary character, temperament and maturity to be king.
• Passionate, impulsive, and headstrong, he avenged his sister Tamar’s rape by killing her half-brother, Amnon (2 Sam 13), the number one son of David (2 Sam 3:1), and fled to his ancestor’s homeland of Geshur for three years (2 Sam 13:38).
• Absalom secured permission to return to Jerusalem, but David did not meet or see him for another two years (2 Sam 14:28).

Though not every wayward child is, Absalom was the product of a failed, ignorant and stubborn parenting method. God offered this record as a warning:

• When son number 1, Amnon, violated his half-sister Tamar, David was furious but said and did nothing (2 Sam 13:21).
• Absalom hated (2 Sam 13:22) and killed Amnon to avenge his sister’s dishonor and fled to Geshur for three years, but David was consumed with the absence of Absalom (2 Sam 13:39). David did not learn from the past. Like his infatuation with Bathsheba, David pined for and doted on the irrepressible, and the insubordinate Absalom. Both father and son repeated, recycled, and revived past mistakes, and Absalom became even more conniving, cruel, and cunning.
• Three years of exile in Geshur (2 Sam 13:38) and two years of seclusion and isolation in Jerusalem (2 Sam 14:28) did not reform Absalom, partly because David failed to confront, correct, and chastise Absalom for the two years he was near, and for yet another four years (v 7) Absalom was free to wander about and wreck havoc.

No wonder David had to hear of Absalom’s coup, Israel’s discontent and the city’s unrest from a servant (v 13). Three years stretched to five years and then nine years, but still David did and said nothing and heeded and believed nobody. Like before, the king was in denial.

Absalom was a parent’s worst nightmare. He eyed his father’s throne and plotted to overthrow his father and forced him into early retirement or permanent exile. In a tragic sense, he had the best and worst of David’s genes – he was cut from his father’s cloth. He (2 Sam 14:25) and his father (1 Sam 16:12, 1 Sam 17:42) were the only two men known in the Bible for their beauty that rivaled women’s. Also, Absalom was like David at his lying, murderous, and arrogant worst in the latter’s sin with Bathsheba.

The phrase “good and right,” (v 3) in Hebrew is the usual word for “good” but the rare word for “right,” the first of four occurrences in the Bible (Prov 8:9, 24:26, Isa 57:2) with the meaning of “direct,” “plain,” and “simple.” Absalom promised down-to-earth advice, justice that works and, of course, the “one-of-a-kind” and “never seen or heard or practiced before” legal rhetoric to the people who craved for and lapped up these words. David the king did not stand a chance against Absalom the politician, who shook hands, gave hugs, and promise changes. Absalom socialized, spoke and sided with the Hebrew commoner, the average man, the town folks. He was the politically, legally, and socially correct figure and candidate of his day who promised the world, the moon, and the Jerusalem bridge to his constituents

Absalom’s public yearning was to be judge (v 4), but his hidden agenda was to be king. Absalom was not the Crown Prince of Israel, but the Pied Piper who stole the hearts of Israel (v 7), the same way he stole his father’s heart, stole into Jerusalem and stole the limelight. Divine kingship could not be bought or sought; they were anointed, conferred or inherited, but Absalom couldn’t wait for the throne even though his father was already aging. Absalom, the number three son, was the new number two son after he had killed son number 1, and the new son number one (Chileab called Daniel, 3:3) was taught well not to harbor ambition by his mother, Abigail (2 Sam 3:3), the best of David’s wives, but the king ignored and neglected him.

The Model: What to do When Crisis Comes

1. Recognize that a crisis usually comes from a long circumstance, and cannot be overturned quickly. It has been stewing a long time! (15:1-12). David may have been hesitant to deal with it:

1. Because of the prophecy of the sword of Nathan (12:11) and guilt over the sin of Bathsheba.
2. Because of guilt over Tamar’s rape, as David allowed Amnon to have access to her (13:7).
3. Because of his fixation on Absalom’s attractive way, a misplaced love (13:39) of the “stolen heart”.

The pattern of Absalom is the same again:

• He planned the things he needs to get his way (15:1),
• He sucked in the people he would use (15:2-6),
• He lied and deceived David (15:7-9).
• He formed allies of the discontented (15:10-12, remember Jonadab son of Shimeah?)

2. Deal decisively with immediate danger when you finally awake to the trouble! (15:13-14).

3. Get help from those who will stand with you and those who you truly can trust (15:15).

4. Try to maintain order for the future (15:16).

5. Make note of those who are with you so that you can care for them later. (Note: don’t become so self-absorbed that you can’t see others around you! 15:17-18).

6. Don’t expect everyone to be caught up in your crisis (15:19-22).

As David leaves Jerusalem, he speaks with one of the military leaders traveling out of the city. Ittai was not Jewish but rather was a foreign mercenary under the service of King David. Both Ittai and his men befriended David during his wilderness experience in Ziklag. (1 Sam 30) and returned to Israel with David. These men served as a type of honor guard for David and did not have to leave with him. David understood that the agreement that he had made with Ittai and his men could no longer be met. Essentially he was an foreigner in foreign land now being exiled to who knows where. This was no situation for innocent people.

David tells Ittai to return to Jerusalem for several reasons:

• David wants Ittai out of harms way

• David cannot fulfill his end of their agreement any longer

• David does not know his course of action

7. You need to be able to cry (15:30) and so do those who suffer with you (15:23)!

As David leaves the Jerusalem, literally running for his life, the emotion of the situation comes pouring out. The power of the pain came to the point that he could no longer contain it.

Look at the pain points that David had to face:

• David’s own son wanted him dead
• Many of David’s friends had turned against him
• The nation was being plunged into civil war
• David was leaving the Ark of the Covenant behind
• David was headed for an unknown future on the run

As David leaves Jerusalem, he is a man in exile. A man marked for death and a man whose followers were more foreigners than his own people. David covered his head, walked barefoot and openly wept as he climbed the Mount of Olives, no doubt looking back down to see Jerusalem one more time before he headed to exile in the desert.

Too often we try to hold our emotions in when we experience the difficulties of a crisis. We rely on our own strength to get us through and we put up a brave face. The reality is that there are times when the emotions simply must come out. Like David, there will be times when the tears have to flow. Whether you let yourself cry or you go out and scream your head off. You need an outlet for your emotion. The longer you hold on to the pain, the more difficult it will be to let go and experience the needed release.

8. Remember that God is the one still in control of the results of your own self-made crisis. He is faithful WHEN WE ARE NOT! He does not give what we deserve! (15:24-29).

David gives instructions to Zadok to return to Jerusalem and to take the Ark back to the temple. This was a bold move for David because the Ark was the empowered symbol of God’s presence. The understanding was that if you had the Ark with you, God was on your side. When David sends the Ark back to Jerusalem it is an act of absolute trust and total faith. David understood that his entire situation was now in the hands of God and that the only way to live through the crisis was to place His complete trust in God. David shows also that he belongs to god because he says that he is committed to God’s will whatever it may be.

9. Pray about the situation as it unfolds! (15:31).

David teaches us a valuable lesson that we sometimes seldom learn during a crisis. God can accomplish what we cannot. The same is true of our lives today, when the situation moves beyond our ability to deal with, we must give it over to God. Prayer is one of your most valued resources during a crisis. Just as worship is a seeking of God’s presence, prayer is a seeking of God’s provision. David understood that if he was going to get through the crisis, he needed God’s provision.

10. Get more information before you respond to the crisis with what you have (15:32-37).

By fleeing the coming coup attempt David does three key things:

• Preserves the sanctity of Jerusalem

• Provides for his family

• Protects his military strength

Crises are a fact of life and we all have to deal with them. Your problems may not be to the extent that David had to deal with but the reality is that when you go through them, you don’t go through them alone. When trials face you, that is the time to seek God’s presence and provision even more earnestly. This morning maybe you are going through a crisis, take some time to seek God and find His strength and support for your life in a fresh way.

DON’T REPEAT THE PAST; REFORM IT

DON’T REGRET THE PRESENT; REDEEM IT

DON’T RELINQUISH THE FUTURE; RECONSTRUCT IT

When handled Biblically, even a crisis can become a sweet time of God’s instruction to shape us to be more usable to Him.

Why do we let sin slide in our lives? The big dramatic sinful stretch of adultery and murder was passed in David’s life, but a continued distance from God in one area of his life settled into a rut of compromise – his family. David learned to live with the rut and quietly grew at peace with it.

What is compromise? How can I spot it in my life?

Perhaps an illustration will help: On October 31, 1983, Korean Airlines Flight 007 departed from Anchorage, Alaska, for a direct flight to Seoul, Korea. Unknown to the crew, however, the computer engaging the flight navigation system contained a 1 1/2 degree routing error. At the point of departure, the mistake was unnoticeable. One hundred miles out, the deviation was still so small as to be undetectable, but as the giant 747 continued across the Aleutian Islands and out over the Pacific, the plane increasingly strayed from its proper course. Eventually it was flying over Soviet air space. Russian radar picked up the error, and fighter jets scrambled to intercept Flight 007. A short time later the jet was shot out of the sky over mainland Russia and the lives of everyone onboard was lost, all because of a 1 1/2 degree routing error! I wonder if this isn’t a picture of the tragic course that many Christians find themselves on. Compromise is that little error or offense before God left alone. We depart from an intimate relationship with God and head straight for a destination that is offensive and far removed from Him. Yet we do it in small increments. That is why it takes serious examination to identify personal compromise.

Why do we let it go in our lives?

Perhaps is may help to spot how our model David let it creep in:

“Conscience”, said an Indian, “Is a three-cornered thing in my heart that stands still when I am good, but when I am bad, it turns around and the corners hurt a lot. If I keep in doing wrong, the corners wear off and it does not hurt anymore.”

1. It may be related to guilt over our own past mistakes (2 Samuel 11:27; 12:10). If a man has limburger cheese on his upper lip, he thinks the whole world smells.

2. It may relate to our desire to love without discernment. We may want to give in to some request that seems unwise to us to be liked by another (13:7; 13:27).

Even the people in our lives are not the gauge, only the Lord is. The people often get the issue wrong: The movie Catch Me If You Can is based on the true-life story of Frank Abagnale, a con artist who bilked the government out of more than $5 million by the time he was 21. Raised in the home of a father who cheated the government and a mother who cheated on her husband, Frank observes the ease with which a person can lie his way through life. At age 16, when his parents divorce, he runs away and for two years leads a life of amazing deception. Creating false documents and forging checks, he passes himself off as an airline pilot, a medical doctor, and a practicing attorney. All the while he is running, he longs for the security of his parents’ love. While posing as a doctor, Frank meets a young nurse, Brenda, and falls in love. When he meets her father, who is a prestigious lawyer, and her mother, he scores points with them by feigning to be a graduate of the same law school the father attended. Knowing they are Lutherans, he also claims to be Lutheran. Because Frank looks ten years older than he really is, Brenda’s father hires him as an associate in his law firm. The FBI crashes their elaborate engagement party at the parents’ mansion, but Frank sees them coming and races upstairs to pack his bags. Before the agents enter the home, Frank’s fiancée Brenda follows him into the bedroom. He wants her to escape with him. He opens his suitcases to pack for a quick getaway, and Brenda sees thousands of dollars in cash stuffed in each bag. Frank must level with her. He confesses, “Brenda, I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I’m not a doctor. I’ve never been to medical school. I’m not a lawyer or a Harvard graduate. I’m not even a Lutheran. I ran away from home a year and a half ago when I was 16!” With a straight face, Brenda says, “Frank? Frank? You’re not a Lutheran?”

What are the symptoms that will help me spot personal compromise?

1. A restless heart that is not at peace with others in my life (13:39).

After Hearing Billy Graham Uncle Sam is $1,265 richer because four people got under conviction after hearing Billy Graham. Some time ago he got five $100.00 bills with the request that they be forwarded to the I.R.S. In more recent days, three others sent $765 tagged as “restitution for shortages” in the past income tax reports. “I have been a Christian, but I’ve backslidden”, said a Florida resident, who enclosed $500. “Partly through lack of knowledge and also wrong advice from an accountant, I did not pay certain taxes in full”, the letter went on. “But, God, has not let me forget it. So I want to get the money I think I owe into the treasury.. .” I hesitate to send cash to the I.R.S. Department, lest it be a temptation to anyone into whose hands it might fall. None of the letters were signed. Alliance Weekly

2. A failure to maintain standards of righteousness and justice before the Lord (14:1).

It has been said that rivers and men become crooked by following the line of least resistance.

3. A company of poor friends:

Who I hang out with matters! A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an older lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.” “I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?” “Yes,” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ’Goodbye Mother’? It would make me feel so much better.” “Sure,” answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye Mother!” As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. “How can that be?” he asked, “I only purchased a few things!” “Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.

• Joab was a self interested deceiver (14:2-3).
• The woman of Tekoa was an outright liar (14:4-8) and a flatterer (14:9).
• Both Joab and the woman spoke as though the Lord was involved in their deception (14:10-11).
• Both Joab and the woman believed the ends justified the means (14:12-13).
• The woman pretends to know what the Lord thinks concerning the matter, though it contradicts what God already said on the subject or premeditated murder (cp. Dt. 19; 14:14-16).

4. Erratic and compulsive choices (14:21-23).

We don’t realize the consequence of our choices! A man at the San Jose International Airport was worried about missing his plane. He had no wristwatch and could not locate a clock, so he hurried up to a total stranger and said, “Excuse me, could you give me the time, please?” The stranger smiled back and said, “Sure.” He set down the two large suitcases he was carrying and looked at the watch on his wrist. “It’s exactly 5:09. The temperature outside is 73 degrees, and it is supposed to rain tonight. In London, the sky is clear and the temperature is 38 degrees Celsius. The barometer reading is 29.14 and falling. And, let’s see, in Singapore the sun is shining brightly. Oh, by the way, the moon should be full tonight here in San Jose and— “Your watch tells you all that?” the man interrupted. “Oh, yes, and much more. You see, I invented this watch, and I can assure you there’s no other timepiece like it in the world.” “I want to buy that watch! I’ll pay you two thousand dollars for it right now.” “No, it’s not for sale,” said the stranger as he reached down to pick up his suitcases. “Wait! Four thousand. I’ll pay you four thousand dollars, cash,” offered the man reaching for his wallet. “No, I can’t sell it. You see, I plan to give it to my son for his twenty-first birthday. I invented it for him to enjoy.” “Okay, listen—I’ll give you ten thousand dollars. I’ve got the money right here.” The stranger paused. “Ten thousand? Well, okay. It’s yours for ten thousand even.” The man was absolutely elated. He paid the stranger, took the watch, snapped it on his wrist with glee and said, “Thanks!” and he turned to leave. “Wait,” said the stranger. With a big smile he handed the two heavy suitcases to the man and added, “Don’t forget the batteries.”

5. Desire to avoid just consequences to abusive behaviors in order to keep peace (14:24-33).

A missionary writes: “On a recent trip to Haiti, I heard a Haitian pastor illustrate to his congregation the need for total commitment to Christ. His parable: A certain man wanted to sell his house for $2,000. Another man wanted very badly to buy it, but because he was poor, he couldn’t afford the full price. After much bargaining, the owner agreed to sell the house for half the original price with just one stipulation: He would retain ownership of one small nail protruding from just over the door. After several years, the original owner wanted the house back, but the new owner was unwilling to sell. So the first owner went out, found the carcass of a dead dog, and hung it from the single nail he still owned. Soon the house became unlivable, and the family was forced to sell the house to the owner of the nail.” (Dale A. Hays, Leadership, Vol. X, No. 3 (Summer, 1989), p. 35.) When we leave the Devil with even one small peg in our life, he will return to hang his rotting garbage on it, making it unfit for Christ’s habitation. Commitment and compromise make strange bedfellows.

The symptoms of personal compromise may not seem profound, but the effects of compromise are devastating. What Can I DO?

1. Deal with conflicts whenever I can (Rom. 12:18 “Live at peace”).
2. Gauge my standards by God’s Word (Rom. 12:1-2 “Transformed by a renewed mind”)
3. Keep friends that draw me TO the Lord!
4. Seek the Lord (PRAY) about choices (Phil 4).
5. Make my chief aim to please HIM and not ME!

Winter was coming on and a hunter went out into the forest to shoot a bear out of which he planned to make a warm coat. By and by he saw a bear coming toward him and raised his gun and took aim. “Wait,” said the bear, “why do you want to shoot me?” “Because I am cold,” said the hunter. “But I am hungry,” the bear replied, “so maybe we can reach an agreement, or a compromise.” In the end, the hunter was well enveloped with the bear’s fur and the bear had eaten his dinner. We always lose out when we try to compromise with the devil and sin.

Children need more than a home and a comfortable bed! They need the guidance and shaping of parents and a stable and consistent moral system. Left to themselves and their peers, trouble will emerge that is destructive!

My brother Rodger is a Christian psychologist. During his counseling of addicted youth, he has been writing on change and how to affect behavioral change in children, along with a host of other things. We discuss his work each week when we get together, and I have found it incredibly helpful. Probably the key to a method of parenting that he is suggesting is what he terms “shaping”. It is the conscious process of shaping the mind and heart of a child. I have been fascinated by his insights, but especially how the insights are SHAPED by the Bible, as he is a student of that as well. Perhaps it is this notion that got me so excited when I studied this passage this week. Today’s passage focuses on the inside of David’s home, and how the children were shaped, or not shaped by their dad that loved God. This one is for those who are parenting…

Symptoms of the Permissive Parent Home:

• It was a complicated home: Let’s get some obvious things out in the open. David’s children were the result of several wives, so there are complicating factors. The closest thing we have to that around here may be a blended family. But just the same, you’ll recognize that what led to the breakdown in David’s family is also a factor in many of our homes today.

• Dad got very busy with his own accomplishments (13:1a).

• Failure to proactively set appropriate boundaries (13:1b; 13b).

In a permissive home, children will pretend to be sick so they don’t have to go to school. They will put on a big show and throw a temper tantrum so they don’t have to clean up their toys. They’ll say, “I’m thirsty so they don’t have to go to bed. Why? They know it works.

Edward VIII, Duke of Windsor, once observed this about American families: “The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children”.

• Opportunities to manipulate parents (note illness, 13:2a, 13:6a).

• Unmonitored influence of poor friends (13:3,5).

• Poor teaching on definitions and restraint (13:4, 15).

• Naïve complicity of parents (13:7, 18).

• Offering too much unmonitored authority for their behavior (13:9, 17).

• Failure to recognize normal limits (13:12,14).

Results of Permissive Parenting:

• Poor use of power (13:14)

Permissive parents want to create a loving place, yet the opposite often happens. Why? Because the reality is that it is natural for people to want power, whether young or old. Bad use of power creates fear. Children who don’t respect their parents often fear one another, because they know their siblings will use their power. The stronger one usually wins. In some cases the violence and abuse is extreme.

• Shame, guilt and depression on innocent parties (13:19).

• Alienation of siblings from each other (13:20). Alienation. Without boundaries in any relationship, you will have hurt, chaos, and finally separation. We all need safety and security in our relationships or we run from them. Strange, that the thing that permissive parents fear most often comes to past — their children appreciate neither their parents nor their home.

• Hatred breeding in the family 13:20). Absalom, the full brother of Tamar told her to calm down — he would look after. He did. He arranged for Amnon to be killed. With that he took off out of his father’s reach for three years.

• Silence. You don’t talk about things that are really important. Even though you suspect or even know that your child has crossed the line, you don’t have the courage to confront them.

Remember, Discipline is love as well! The Scripture has much to say:

Proverbs 13:24 says, “If you love your children, you will correct them; if you don’t love them, you won’t correct them.” Heb 12:6 “The Lord disciplines everyone he loves.” He expects loving parents to do the same, to give adequate attention to your children. Prov 29:17 Discipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of mind.”

Permissive parents fail to lead. Their kids are the boss. So how do you change that? Here are a few guidelines:

• The Love Factor: “My home is a place where love is readily expressed.” Younger folks, you can also help your parents by your attitudes and commitments. Don’t expect your parents to do it all or they will become worn out. They need your help.

• “My home is a place of emotional and physical safety.” Yelling is not leading. It creates an unsafe environment. In our society there’s no clear law against screaming oscenities at your kids, but you they might be taken away for a light tap on the butt. Go figure. Screaming should be reserved for situations where your child is unsafe, like running out onto the road. Yelling to correct behavior is a sign you’re frustrated with your inability to get your way.

• A third commitment for parents who lead is this, “My home is a place where discipline is constructive.” Never be afraid to discipline, but always be afraid to discipline badly.

How do I measure what is bad discipline?

It’s self-centered. Eph 6:4 says, “Fathers, don’t make your children bitter about life. Instead, bring them up in Christian discipline and instruction.”

So what is Christian discipline like? It’s centered on the needs of the other like it says in Heb 12:10 “God disciplines us for our good.” It’s not because He needs it but because we need it. Permissive parents are self-centered. They won’t push themselves to address real needs. If you love, you discipline. It’s not about you! But bossy parents are also self-centered. We tend just to want things our way which is not necessarily the best way. Both extremes are subject to bad discipline. You want parents who lead their families lovingly.

Self-centered discipline looks like….

• The biggest sign of a permissive parent is their inconsistent discipline. When it gets bad enough, they might do something, but the next day they let it go and ignore it. Children learn that with enough whining and complaining and tantrums they can get their way. The energy to do anything comes from feelings and because feelings are inconsisitent, so is the discipline.

• Often, it’s impulsive. “You’re late, you’re grounded for a week.” It’s often done out of irritation. You’re just ticked off at your kid for disobeying so you act. As you move to bossy parents, there’s often a desire to injure. You think in terms of punishing. You might want to hurt them for crossing your line. Your punishment feels more like getting even.
• You use intimidation to hold the line, “If you don’t listen, you just wait and see.” You’ll hear, “because I said so” as a reason, usually with a raised voice. Typically controlling parents will impose consequences. There’s zero negotiation, just telling, not talking. Often a spanking or a whack is the answer for everything. Immature motivations often drive it. The parent is worried about how it looks for the family. Sometimes comparisons are used, “your sister would never do this!”
• Infinite rules are laid down — a rule for every situation because there’s very little relationship and respect.

• Finally, bad discipline for both styles results in isolation as family members disconnect from each other or form mini-alliances.

Christian discipline is:

• Constructive: Child’s needs are central. It’s more consistent because the energy comes from principles, not feelings.
• Calm thinking goes into the process as you are thinking problem solving, not punishment. Your basic posture is one of concern, because you’re asking, “What does this child need? What, really is best for her?”
• It’s also corrective. You’re emphasis is on “How can we fix this attitude or behavior.” You may need to apply some pain, but only reluctantly. That’s where you get this statement, “It’s going to hurt me more than it will you.”
• Rather than intimidation, you hope to bring about meaningful consequences. They don’t need a spanking for not cleaning up their toys — take some toys away for a time. Parents who “save” their children from the natural consequences of their behaviour are crippling them.

• A caring relationship is the foundation for your life together. Rules are the fenceline, not the foundation. Finally, good discipline results in better connection. You can hug and hold your child as you work through the issue.

Finally a word to those who have been hurting over the choices of your children. Not everything is YOUR FAULT. The choices of David’s children may have been, in part, because of his poor parenting. Yet, even in the best homes children grow with a mind and will of their own. Only a fool would put it all back on their home. Christians are not immune to pain and suffering:

Eugene Peterson: “I don’t take any particular pleasure in writing this. I would feel better if I could promise that being a Christian gave us a distinct advantage over the competition. Some of the most prominent and well-paid religious leaders in North America are following that line these days – giving people tips on how to be successful in marriage and business, assuring congregations that if they’ll sign up and give a little more money they’ll experience prosperity. They design books and lectures and sermons to sell lottery tickets on a jackpot of the supernatural.” [Leaping Over a Wall, pp. 194-195]

We have looked carefully at the pain of disobedience. Now we need to carefully move on.  Sometimes, it seems we get held hostage by the pain of the past!  “We often allow the pain of our past to continue to rule us in our present, and to predetermine our future. That’s not a good place to be. Some people are struggling to breathe in today because they are still choking on yesterday’s toxins. It is like they are trying to drive in the present while looking through a rearview mirror of the past.”

Heartache from sin should have a season, and when the season ends we must get up and wash ourselves off and return to life. We must push past our painful recognition of the sinful behavior into the productive life that God wants us to have! Now let’s share the joy of restoration! Get out from behind the wood shed and wipe your tears, the tears are over! There is a time for joyful restoration, and God gives us the progression from inner peace to outer joy!

Personal Response – Inner change is where it all begins (12:20-24a)

Inner peace brought change, but what brought inner peace? It wasn’t the circumstances. The baby died. It wasn’t that outcomes of the sin were abated. Uriah was still dead, and the court that heard the voice of Nathan knew it. Bathsheba lay in her bed red eyed and sobbing. What brought inner peace?

A. Confession: (12:13). The story reflects that David agreed with God about his sin, and agreed that God alone could bridge the gap to him. David confessed, and that was all that he could do. He could not go back and make the terrible decisions that cost Uriah his wife and his life again. He could only admit with a shame filled heart, “That’s right, I am the man! I am guilty of all of this. This son died because of ME, not because of any fault of HIS!”

Remember the Word on Confession: “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.” (Ps. 51: 3-4a).  Solomon said, “If you hide your sins, you will not succeed. If you confess and reject them, you will receive mercy.” (Prov. 28:13). Finally, shams are over, and realities have begun.

B. Connection: (12:16). David sought God day and night for the baby, so the writer clearly has said. Though the baby died, David found himself on his knees seeking God. God may not have given him what he wanted, but God found David where He wanted to find him – back on his knees, seeking to serve and please God. That’s where he belonged that night, more than a year ago when he committed adultery. That’s where he belonged when the idea of killing Uriah came into his mind. Now David was back. He finally became tall when he fell to his knees and sought God. He finally became strong when he admitted he had no strength at all!

C. Contrition: (12:17). David couldn’t eat. He couldn’t wash. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t talk. He was, in a word, BROKEN! “The sacrifice God wants is a broken spirit. God, you will not reject a heart that is broken and contrite over sin.” (Psalm 51:17). David truly was repentant. The Hebrew term “contrite” (dawkaw) does not mean “feeling bad” about sin because others have found out and we look stupid. It literally means feeling crushed under the weight of guilt and shame before God for what we have done. It also holds with it the idea of certainty of change as the crushing changes what we will be.

D. Cleansing: (12:18-19). The son died and David knew the son died because of David’s sin. That is the beginning of the story. It is a story of new life. It begins with the death of an innocent son, because that is where we all began our new life. He died… FOR ME. For MY SIN!

Remember the Word on Cleansing: “Take away my sin, and I will be clean. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.” (Ps. 51:7). The Hebrew word for “wash” (kawbas) is not the word used for simply washing your face, or rinsing a dish. It refers to the washing of clothes by stomping (by fullers), beating and pounding them against a rock or a scrub board. David is praying for a thorough cleansing from sin and from the dullness that it brings. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me, Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation.” [Ps. 51:10-12].

Max Lucado wrote: Susanna Petroysan heard her daughter’s pleas, but there was nothing she could do. She and four-year-old Gayaney were trapped beneath tons of collapsed concrete and steel. Beside them in the darkness lay the body of Susanna’s sister-in-law, Karine, one of the fifty-five thousand victims of the worst earthquake in the history of Armenia. Calamity never knocks before it enters, and this time, it had torn down the door. Susanna had gone to Karine’s house to try on a dress. It was December 7, 1988, at 11:30 A.M. The quake hit at 11:41. She had just removed the dress and was clad in stockings and a slip when the fifth-floor apartment began to shake. Susanna grabbed her daughter but had taken only a few steps before the floor opened up and they tumbled in. Susanna, Gayaney, and Karine fell into the basement with the nine-story apartment house crumbling around them. “Mommy, I need a drink. Please give me something.” There was nothing for Susanna to give. She was trapped flat on her back. A concrete panel eighteen inches above her head and a crumpled water pipe above her shoulders kept her from standing. Feeling around in the darkness, she found a twenty-four-ounce jar of blackberry jam that had fallen into the basement. She gave the entire jar to her daughter to eat. It was gone by the second day. “Mommy, I’m so thirsty.” Susanna knew she would die, but she wanted her daughter to live. She found a dress, perhaps the one she had come to try on, and made a bed for Gayaney. Though it was bitter cold, she took off her stockings and wrapped them around the child to keep her warm. The two were trapped for eight days. Because of the darkness, Susanna lost track of time. Because of the cold, she lost the feeling in her fingers and toes. Because of her inability to move, she lost hope. “I was just waiting for death.” She began to hallucinate. Her thoughts wandered. A merciful sleep occasionally freed her from the horror of her entombment, but the sleep would be brief. Something always awakened her: the cold, the hunger, or most often the voice of her daughter. “Mommy, I’m thirsty.” At some point in that eternal night, Susanna had an idea. She remembered a television program about an explorer in the Arctic who was dying of thirst. His comrade slashed open his hand and gave his friend his blood. Her groping fingers, numb from the cold, found a piece of shattered glass. She sliced open her left index finger and gave it to her daughter to suck. The drops of blood weren’t enough. “Please Mommy, some more. Cut another finger.” Susanna has no idea how many times she cut herself. She only knows that if she hadn’t, Gayaney would have died. Her blood was her daughter’s only hope. Beneath the rubble of a fallen world, Jesus pierced His hands. In the wreckage of a collapsed humanity, He ripped open His side. His children were trapped, so He gave His blood. It was all He had, His friends were gone. His strength was waning. His possessions had been gambled away at His feet. Even His Father had turned His head. His blood was all He had. But His blood was all it took.

Public Restoration: Inner peace brought outer transformation (12:20-25)

A. Change (12:20a). It started with a bath. Clean on the inside, he wanted to show his cleanliness on the outside. He got up and got clean because He had done what he could to ask the Lord to keep his child alive. When the Lord said no, he knew it was time to set thing right with himself and with his household.

B. Closeness (12:20b). He got down and worshipped (20b). David needed to kneel before the Lord that created him. This is the opposite of pride. This was an opportunity for David to become strong once more. The crushing blows of death can only be lifted by the author of life. The wearing of time can only be reversed by the God of eternity.

C. Confusion (12:21-23). He went in and ate (21). Everyone around him was puzzled. They thought mourning should BEGIN with the child’s death. David saw it differently. David knew what was coming, though he hoped for a different outcome. He readied himself for the job ahead.

People are often confused about what happens when they sin: A little boy who broke the glass of a streetlight. He felt so guilty about it he confessed his crime to his dad. Finally, he asked his father, “Daddy, what should I do?” The father replied, “Do? We’re going to have to tell the authorities, and you will have to work to pay for the damage you did.” This is not exactly how the boy wanted to handle the situation. “But Dad,” he said, “I thought all I had to do was ask God to forgive me!”

On the other hand, people often don’t understand how much the sin of another affects them! A little boy was seen digging in his yard by a neighbor. The neighbor approached and inquired what the young man was doing. “I’m burying my goldfish and having a funeral for it”. ‘O, I’m sorry,’ said the neighbor who continued: “That is an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?’ The boy patted down the last heap of earth over the now closed whole and replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat”.

Don’t be surprised that other people, particularly those that you have hurt, or wronged, find it difficult to believe that God is ok with you now. They can’t yet. They have their own justice issues to work out. You hurt THEM, and they may be confused about the outer changes in your life. Maybe you used to get bombed with them on Saturday night and carouse. They see a change, but they don’t understand it. Confusion comes with the package, and that is why God includes it in the model here.

D. Care (12:24). He knelt down to his wife’s bed, and comforted her (24a). How very painful! She lost her husband, she lost the baby, and she lay there empty inside. Yet it would not remain that way!

E. Confidence (12:24b-25). God gave them the celebration of a new son, this time conceived in different circumstances. God communicated His pleasure over the son, by the same mouth that stood in condemnation of David. Jedidiah “Much loved of God” was God’s name for him. Perhaps from birth God marked his life with favor.

If you jump ahead in his life David composed Psalm 18 to commemorate the power and works of God throughout his life and administration.

“(The Lord) delivered me because He delighted in me. The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me. For I have kept the ways of the Lord, and have not wickedly departed from my God.” (Ps 18:20-22)

Is David delusional? Has he deceived himself? No. The proof is in 1 Kings 14:8 where the Lord says in a rebuke to evil king Jeroboam, “You are not like my servant David, who always obeyed My commands and followed me with all his heart. He did only what I said was right.”

You see, the truly amazing testimony of David’s life is that after his great sin, he repented. And because of his deep repentance without making excuse, God extended grace and forgiveness.

The most beautiful part of this story is that what God did David He’s willing to do for any of us. We get weighed down with guilt long after God has forgiven us. We need to follow His pathway to forgiveness and then trust His promise to cleanse us. “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12)

What a great end! You see dear ones, we can blow it. We can walk away from God. We can live in arrogance for a time, and perhaps that is exactly what has happened to you. You came in here today with sin in your heart. You weren’t sure that you’d hear this today. In fact, you really didn’t WANT to hear this today. You wanted life to go on without God noticing what happened. You wanted to let the sleeping dog lie. The problem is, Nathan’s words are ringing in your ears this morning. YOU ARE THAT MAN! YOU ARE THAT WOMAN! You are guilty, and you know it. The problem is, you have to respond to the conviction. You have to break. You have only two choices. You can break or harden… but hardening will do untold more damage in your life.

It is time to get it right, and you know it. Remember, you can leave today with the weight gone, or you can hide and carry it out the door. I always liked that Psalm 51 shared what David went through in his heart, so I will close with his words

Ps. 51:2  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity And cleanse me from my sin. 3 For … my sin is ever before me. 4 Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight… 6 Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being… Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Make me to hear joy and gladness..10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

In the continuing saga of the dysfunctional but royal family of Judah, the unbridled passions gave way to sinful practices. In their wake, the unhealthy way of dealing with the conflicts gave way to explosions in the home. Does anyone think this may be relevant today?

Axiom #1: Unresolved conflict goes underground! (13:21-22a).

David heard about the rape of his daughter by Amnon, and he became very angry, but failed to act on the information. Amnon carried on as if he hadn’t done anything wrong! (13:21-22a). Amnon appeared to have gotten away with it. Two years have gone past and who knows how many young girls fell victim to his schemes. There are so many things which come back later in life and in time to haunt us. Even those things which we thought were a sure bet, come trailing after us. Unresolved conflict smolders like something burning underground. On a Discovery channel special, some Canadian park rangers were seen digging holes around a camp site located deep in the wilderness of the Algonquin Provincial Park. The rangers were digging like mad and taking buckets of lake water and pouring it into the holes. When asked what was going on they said that they were putting out a fire. The on camera host was stunned, as he didn’t see any flames. They explained that it was a root fire. Someone had built a campfire where there was a root close to the surface. From there the fire had spread underground to several trees. You can’t see them, but you could feel the heat coming from the ground. The rangers said that if they did not put it out, it would burn down the entire island. There may be an underground fire in your home. You may be good at hiding it, but the heat is there, and if it is not put out it may burn down your home. You have to get to the root cause and put out the fire. You have to dig down and expose the fire to put it out. You have to open your heart to the other person and allow them to come in.

Axiom #2: Unresolved conflict turns yesterday’s anger is today’s bitterness! (13:22b)

Absalom, brother of Tamar and half-brother of Amnon grew bitter in anger but did not speak to Amnon about the rape (13:22b). Look at the fruit of the unresolved anger in Absalom’s life!

1. It gave him a fixation and desire for revenge that likely kept him from accomplishing great things.
2. It led him to concoct a plan and hide the truth.
3. It led Absalom into believing that he should be the one to repay Amnon. Absalom knew that by the laws of that day, the only punishment Amnon would experience would be to marry Tamar without ever being able to divorce her. This was not sufficient for Absalom, he wanted to be the judge and jury.
4. It kept Tamar desolate and depressed in her home with no hope of getting a just solution.
5. It put Absalom together with Jonadab, a slippery friend who alone seemed to know the plan Absalom made.

A man by the name of Steve Tran of Westminster, CA closed the door after activating 25 bug bombs in his apartment. He figured that the more he used the longer it would work. The fumes spread to the pilot light in his stove causing a great explosion, which knocked his door down and burned all of his furniture resulting in $10,000 worth of damages. Tran then reported by the following Sunday he already saw the roaches walking around again. Steve allowed his anger for the roaches to consume him causing destruction, and the problem was still there.

Axiom #3: Unresolved conflict will make sides develop. (13:23-28).

He waited two years, and eventually invited the whole royal family. David declined to go, but gave permission for the others to go. (2 Samuel 13:22b-25). Absalom asked David’s permission to have Amnon attend the party. David at first declined, then was talked into allowing Amnon by Absalom. (13:26-27). Absalom quietly gathered and instructed some men to kill Amnon, when and how he commanded. Hesitant, they needed to be encouraged by Absalom. (13:28). Do you see it? Absalom uses the same method Amnon used earlier to rape Tamar. Both boys got an unsuspecting and busy dad to aid them in their plotting against right behavior. Next Amnon got others involved in his sin, giving them the dirty work. Absalom reminds me of the lady reported on in a recent story I read: In a San Francisco paper an ad displayed that read, “1984 Mercedes 240 LS, fully loaded. First $50 gets the car.” A man read this and called to see if it was a misprint. To his surprise it was not. He rushed over there and gave the woman the $50 and as she handed over the title to the car he asked why she was selling it for so cheap. Se replied, “My husband just called from Las Vegas where he is with his secretary. He lost all of his money and wanted me to sell the car and send half of what I got for it to him so he could come home!” Just as with this woman it was easy to enlist people to a side. That is one thing that unresolved conflict most assuredly does!

Axiom #4: Unresolved conflict will push to the surface in some form of pain (13: 29-33).

At the time appointed, the men killed Amnon while the other royals fled the scene (13:29). At first, inaccurate messages came to David that all his sons were killed by Absalom. David tore his clothes and began mourning. (13:30-31). Look at the devastation that silence brought to David’s household. A desire to have peace led to war. David didn’t want to upset things, so he let them slide. The unresolved conflict of the family didn’t go away. In the end, look at the pain for:

1. Amnon: It just isn’t worth it! Have you ever done something wrong that seemed liked fun and was kind of enjoyable at the moment, but later when your actions were discovered and you had to pay the price, you said to yourself, “It just wasn’t worth it.” The moment we come into the world, a partner immediately comes to our side. The partner is committed to being with us till the day we die. Our partner will be there when we get out of bed, when we go to the bathroom, when we go to school, when we go to work, when we’re alone in the car, when we make it back home, when we’re getting ready for bed, and even when we’re in the bed. Our partner will appear at times to have left, but don’t believe it for a moment. We are more married to that partner than we will ever be to another person. We can’t even get away, by going into the corners of our mind. Who is this partner who we can hear clearer than we can hear God? Our partner is temptation. You can’t pray to God to get rid of it, but you can allow God to help you from being its slave. If you don’t, you will find yourself saying way too often, “it just wasn’t worth it.” What started out as a harmless thought led to temptation, which ran into some bad advice, which refused to consider the consequences, which went ahead and took what was desired. That all resulted in Amnon lying in a pool of blood with no possibility of escape. This is where temptation seeks to lead us. Each of us here has an enemy who want us to believe everything we want to have, we should have. And no matter what it might appear to cost, it’s going to be worth it for us to get it.. Follow that path, and you will find, IT JUST ISN’T WORTH IT!

2. Royal brothers: It would be a long time before they would have a family barbeque again. The suspicions would haunt this family for generations, and it all came about because of festering bitterness and brutality that was unanswered.

3. Absalom: First, Absalom attracted flies in his life**. He had to leave Tamar and not see her again. He may have thought he did it for HER, but it was really about HIM.

**Note: Then Jonadab (Amnon’s old friend?) shared that he knew the plot was only against Amnon (makes you wonder why Jonadab didn’t warn Amnon?) and that the others were alive still (13:30-33).He had to flee for his life, and live with the consequences of murder.

4. David: He thought things would work out. Things only tend to work out when you work on them.

Axiom #5: Unresolved Conflict becomes the pattern of dysfunction (13:34-39)

Absalom fled to his grandfather’s kingdom near the Sea of Galilee, and the other sons came home. Absalom remained away for three years. Though David wanted him home, he wouldn’t bring himself to go to his son (13:34-39). As a result of his poor parenting and poor example, enormous pain entered the family. Since David did nothing to resolve his son’s abhorrent behavior, his son Absalom decided to take matters into his own hands. He killed his brother Amnon. The family was hopelessly divided — the relationships between them desperately sick – all because a man failed to carry his responsive and repentant relationship to God over into his relationship with his family. Remember: Unresolved conflict is growing conflict. Healing is impossible without resolution!

Conclusion:

David’s story is just one among many in his world, and the hurts present in families today are just as real and complex. Hurts happen. They happen in every home. There are issues of power and control, personality differences, finances, different ways of handling children, insecurity, competition, misunderstood feelings and unmet needs, abuse and unfaithfulness. But in spite of some of these very serious hurts, healing can also happen in our homes.

Two things are required:

1. Honesty: Healing will not happen by ignoring the problems or pretending they do not exist. Healing will not happen if you are unwilling to face the problem and avoid doing the hard work of being honest with yourself about the issues and confronting them.

Chuck Colson recently told of a young girl named Carly Santi. For years her mother kept the truth from her that her father was in prison. Carly was devastated when she finally found out. She made up stories to her classmates about her father’s absence. She felt ashamed, even though she had done nothing wrong. The following summer she attended a special Christian camp designed for children of prisoners and learned that she was not alone. Her counselors told her that God really cared about her. She had been struggling with being mad at God, but the words of a song they sang at camp began to penetrate her heart: “Father, I adore you; Lay my life before you; How I love you.” Carly accepted Christ as her Savior, and felt God begin to heal the pain in her heart. Carly and her mom visited her dad in prison and encouraged him to attend one of the in-prison Bible studies. Dennis Santi not only went to the Bible study, he gave his life to Christ and began to grow in his relationship with God. One day he asked Carly to forgive him for the shame and embarrassment he had caused her. It was the first time he had owned up to what he had done to his family and the pain he had caused. From that point on the healing began in their family. Honesty and confession are always where healing begins in relationships.

2. Change: There must be a willingness to stop the things that hurt. In biblical terms, this is repentance. Just as we turn from the things that damage our relationship with God, so we turn from the things that damage our relationship with our marriage partner or our children. To continue to do the things that we know hurt another person is not only wrong, it is cruelty. This means that we must own what we have done wrong and take responsibility for it. Sometimes great animosities can arise over great trivialities. “Don’t let pride keep you from doing what is necessary to bring healing to your home. Don’t be so concerned about getting even that you kill the life of something very valuable.”

The great secret about conflict is that when it is resolved it actually increases intimacy. Unresolved conflict can drive you apart, but when it is faced squarely and dealt with it can bring you closer together.

When we sin, we set in automatic motion a series of problems that roll into our lives. David’s premier moment for “blowing it” with Bathsheba and Uriah will become the lab in which we will dissect the process, pain and product of disobedience. God took His time on this story, allowing us to understand what truly goes on in the recesses of our heart, when we go astray. David recovered, but never rid himself of some of the pain of those decisions…

The Failure (11:1-4)

1. Restlessness: Wrong place (11:1)
2. Idleness: Doing too little right (11:2)

People find it hard to understand that simply doing nothing is so dangerous to spiritual life and vitality — but it’s really only a reflection of our normal, daily experience. Relationships fall apart because we don’t work at them. A beautiful garden is destroyed by neglect; a house crumbles around you if you don’t maintain it. Many people die prematurely, not through any accident, but simply by neglecting their health; ignoring the warning signs and not making the necessary adjustments. As Solomon put it (Prov.24:33, 34), “You sleep a little; you take a nap. You fold your hands and lie down to rest. Soon you will be as poor as if you had been robbed; you will have as little as if you had been held up.”

3. Stubborness: Sense of privilege (11:3)

The Talmud (Derek Evetz, 1.26) says, “Tremble before a minor sin, lest it lead you to a major one.” And so we should.

Dietrich Bonhoffer In his little book “Temptation” writes this:  “In our members there is a slumbering inclination towards desire which is both sudden and fierce. With irresistible power desires seize mastery over the flesh. All at once a secret smoldering fire is kindled. The flesh burns and is in flames. It makes no difference if it is sexual desire, ambition, vanity, love of fame, power, or money. Joy of God is extinguished in us, and we seek all our joy in the creature. At this moment God is quite unreal to us. He looses all reality and only desire for the creature is real. Satan does not here fill us with hatred of God, but with forgetfulness of God. I don’t hate God when I lust, I simply forget Him. I forget He is holy, I forget He is jealous for His name. I forget that my reputation is not at stake, it is HIS that is at stake. The lust thus aroused envelopes the mind and the will in deepest darkness. Clear discrimination and decision are taken from us. At that moment we are altogether indecisive and indiscriminate. A woman can lust for a man not even knowing his name. A man can lust for a woman not even knowing what her face looks like or anything about her character. He can be aroused without even speaking to her.

4. Defiance: Writing new rules for himself (11:4)

The Cover Up (11:5-17)

1. Discovery: Others will know what I have done (11:5)

Days, if not weeks pass by. David may very well have forgotten about his tryst with Uriah’s wife, but then he receives news that she is pregnant. David knows that the child is his so, being a strategist, he concocts a foolproof plan: It’s still early in the pregnancy, so order Bathsheba’s husband home from the battle field; he’ll certainly sleep with her and discover later that he and his wife are expecting a child. Perfect.

2. Deception: Make it appear other than the way it is (11:6-13). The father of lies can best be seen where crooked is being made to look straight.

• Make wrong look right: Get Uriah to think it is his baby (11:6-9).
• Cloak selfishness in fake concern: Get Uriah to believe untrue motives (11:10-11)
• I can out think this: Get Uriah drunk to get his cooperation – corrupt the other guy into cooperating! (11:12-13)
• I am really quite noble: Get Uriah killed so it will look like David is doing an honorable thing (11:14-16)

The Results (11:16-27)

1. Innocent casualties (11:16-17). Benjamin Franklin said, “Sin is not hurtful because it is forbidden, but it is forbidden because it is hurtful”

2. Spread of deception and self-justification (11:18-24).

3. Practice of dual speech (11:25). “Nothing sounds so hollow as a believer living in lust and deception speaking encouragement of Scripture!”

4. Hypocrisy (11:26-27a).

David violated his body. He violated Bathsheba. He violated his “sons who had almost reached the age of manhood” (Pink); he violated the nation God chose him to lead; he violated Uriah; worst of all, he violated the Lord himself, who had spoken so clearly in the Ten Commandments: “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).

Just a little one night stand, the world will sing. But sinning is like throwing a hefty rock into a pond. You just don’t hear and see the splash; you see the ripples. The tragedy is in the ripples and what they touch. So often we try to ignore the ripples of sin.

5. Distance from God (11:27b).

Did you ever hear of Edgar Allen Poe’s story, “The Telltale Heart”? The main character has committed murder and he buries the body of the victim in his basement, but he’s unable to escape the guilt of his crime. He begins to hear the heartbeat of his dead victim. This goes on and on and on, the heartbeat growing louder and louder. Eventually, the man goes mad, but the pounding that he heard was not from the grave below but from within his own chest. You get the feeling that’s how David felt. The guilt became unbearable.

Randy Alcorn wrote words to those of us in ministry, but the same words can be used for your life as well, in his article in Leadership Magazine: “What Happens When you fall”: The Consequences of a Moral Tumble:

1. I grieve the Lord who redeemed me when I tumble.
2. I drag His sacred name into the mud.
3. I forget I will one day look Jesus the righteous judge in the face and give account of my actions. I will stand there without an answer.
4. I begin my journey following in the footsteps of those who have gone before that have forsaken their ministries and caused me in the past to shudder.
5. I inflict untold hurt on Nancy, my faithful friend and loyal wife. I lose Nancy’s respect and trust, hurting my beloved daughters, Rachel and Angie.
6. I destroy my credibility with my children.
7. If my blindness should continue or my wife should be unable to forgive, I may end up losing my wife and my children forever.
8. I cause shame to my family.
9. I lose my self respect.
10. I form memories and flash backs that could plague future intimacy with my wife.
11. I waste years of ministry training and experience for a long time, and perhaps permanently.
12. I undermine the faithful example of other hard working Christians in our community.
13. I would be bringing great pleasure to Satan.
14. I would be heaping enormous judgment on the person with whom I was committing adultery.
15. I could possibly bear the physical consequences of my sin with diseases such as gonorrhea, syphilis, clomidia, herpes or aids.
16. I could even infect Nancy, or in the case of aids, causing her death.
17. I would bring shame and hurt to fellow Pastors and elders: (Names).
18. I would invoke life long embarrassment on myself.

Take heed, lest you fall!

The GOOD NEWS IS You don’t need to end your walk with chapter 11. Chapter 12 follows, and there is a way to be saved!

One Pastor wrote: We were doing a baptism service. We told people before they came up to the platform to be baptized to take a piece of paper, write down a few of the sins they’ve committed, and fold the paper. When they come up to the platform, there was a large wooden cross on the stage. Take that piece of paper, take a pin, and pin it to the cross, because the Bible says our sins are nailed to the cross with Jesus Christ, and fully paid for by his death. Then turn and come to the pastor to be baptized.

The Pastor shared a letter a woman wrote who was baptized in one of those services.  She said: I remember my fear. In fact, it was the most fear I remember in my life. I wrote as tiny as I could on that piece of paper the word abortion. I was so scared someone would open the paper and read it and find out it was me. I wanted to get up and walk out of the auditorium during the service, the guilt and fear were that strong. When my turn came, I walked toward the cross, and I pinned the paper there. I was directed to a pastor to be baptized. He looked me straight in the eyes, and I thought for sure that he was going to read this terrible secret I kept from everybody for so long. But instead, I felt like God was telling me, I love you. It’s okay. You’ve been forgiven. I felt so much love for me, a terrible sinner. It’s the first time I ever really felt forgiveness and unconditional love. It was unbelievable, indescribable.

Do you have a secret sin that you wouldn’t even want to write down for fear that somebody might open it and find out? How about a sin that always “unfolds” in your mind whenever you try to “move on” or receive God‘s blessing?

I have good news:

Psalm 103:8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; 10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

In the book entitled, “A Forgiving God in an Unforgiving World” a true story is told of a missionary in the Philippines, a much-loved man of God who carried the burden of a secret sin he had committed many years before. He had repented but still had no peace, no sense of God’s forgiveness. Nearby was a woman who deeply loved God and who claimed to have visions in which she spoke with Christ and he with her. The missionary however, was skeptical. To test her he said, “The next time you speak with Christ, I want you to ask him what sin I committed while he was in seminary.” The woman agreed. A few days later the missionary asked, “Did Christ visit you in your dreams?” “Yes, he did,” she replied. “And did you ask him what sin I committed in seminary?” “Yes.” “Well, what did he say?” “Jesus said, ’I don’t remember.’”